In the Rose Garden / What are some forms of praise that everyone should be wary of?

zevrem · Back to Top

I was musing to myself that people should often be as wary of praise as they are of criticism. Praise, just like everything else, often comes with some ulterior motive, a path that the carrot leads one through. So right now, I'm compiling a list of common words of praise alongside the "real" meaning that often accompanies them.

That looks good on you. (It makes you look vulnerable and easy to manipulate emotionally)

You're really smart. (You're good at doing what you're told and figuring out what other people want from you)

You're a good person. (I think it'll be easy to leech off of you.)

You're strong/good at what you do. (Please do whatever it is you're doing, but for me for me.)

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Last edited by zevrem (05-14-2014 08:17:32 AM)

Jacrad · Back to Top

Hm, I don't know. I can agree with your initial statement. But I don't know if I necessarily agree with your 'real meanings' of certain compliments.

Maybe it would help if there were more context behind where you're drawing your conclusions?

TheOnlyFlorence · Back to Top

Your premise is off.

What your missing is the contextual situation surrounding the saying of the phrase and the ethos of the person speaking it. Without those two things, you cannot discern what the true meaning and motivation behind the words are. Without that, you're analyzing the shadows on the wall, not the things casting them.

Also, your "real" meanings of the praises are inherently flawed in that they draw their conclusions from speculation and a personal fear of vulnerability and compliments. Perhaps that needs some analysis as well?

yusaku · Back to Top

All of the compliments contain very "loaded" words, words that are not quantifiable. The words "good", "smart", and "strong" mean different things to some people. If strong meant anyone who can pick up two hundred pounds, then we have a clear and defined meaning. Yet, this is often not the case.

I agree with TheOnlyFlorence. Meaning the meaning of the words are viewed in context of the speaker and the situation surrounding the conversation. It takes some time to get to know what people mean when they say things. I have the same problem myself sometime. I am not sure if a person is trying to be insulting, helpful, truthful, or genuine when people say certain things.

I have worked out a few rules to keep people from crossing my "boundaries" because people use such loaded language all the time.

1. Never talk about personal information.

2. No race, religion, or political conversations

3. Talk about the weather, television, art, music, sports or celebrities. Just talk about stuff that has no personal context and you will do fine.

4. Never be nice to assholes. It only encourages them to be bigger assholes. Never greet them. Speak only if necessary.

I work in customer service, so I almost always give people the benefit of the doubt. It keeps me employed and focused on my job. People can really irritate you if you allow it. Since, we often use loaded language, an earnest compliment can easily viewed as an insult. I get some mean looks sometimes when I use "How are you?" to greet my customers. Now I use it on people who look in a good or neutral mood. Yet, because there are some many customers and limited suitable greetings, I use a rhetorical "How are you?" on a person that it wasn't obvious he or she had a bad day. Then I get the "look". You know that angry stare or glance. All in all just remember we are only human.

Last edited by yusaku (05-15-2014 11:20:06 AM)

zevrem · Back to Top

Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself and others.

Nope, definitely being too harsh.

#1 | Back to Top05-14-2014 08:16:52 AM

What are some forms of praise that everyone should be wary of?

#2 | Back to Top05-14-2014 11:38:54 PM

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#3 | Back to Top05-15-2014 07:50:24 AM

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#4 | Back to Top05-15-2014 11:15:45 AM

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#5 | Back to Top05-16-2014 06:48:29 AM

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