This is a static copy of In the Rose Garden, which existed as the center of the western Utena fandom for years. Enjoy. :)
Katzenklavier wrote:
Gazebos are not monsters.
Obviously you have never played Tegal Manor.
Which to those of you that don't know, is a DnD campaign.
Last edited by Foxern (03-28-2009 09:55:54 PM)
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240. There is no such thing as Blue Magic, so stop baiting the Blue Dragon into breathing electricity on you. You're pissing the rest of the party off.
241. If you try to serve the Mage's familiar to the rest of the party as dinner, YOU'RE going to take the CON penalty and not the Mage.
242. If you use Wish to summon a massive diamond, I WILL summon it so that it occupies the same space-time coordinates as your right hand.
243. And if you Wish for a million platinum pieces, I'm making them fall on your head for 1 HP damage each until you're one hit away from death. Then they're all going to crush you.
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244. If you Wish for a sentient sword familiar, its name will be Cuthbert and it'll be afraid to be used for shedding blood and hate ichor even more. It'll also hate vaudeville.
245. If you can show me a D&D book that details a Black Mage prestige class with the ability to cast a Hadoken fireball, I'll let you play one. Otherwise, stop asking.
Last edited by BioKraze (04-07-2009 10:42:54 PM)
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246/ Having a minotaur for an architect is a really bad idea.
247/ Your bard cannot choose Musical Instrument: theremin.
Last edited by Tamago (04-15-2009 04:57:38 PM)
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248/ The Human Walking Disaster Area is not an suitable name for a Paladin of Peace.
249/ Even if your cleric choose the Goddess of Marriage as your deity, they still cannot choose 'Rolling Pin' as their prefered weapon.
250/ No, you cannot whore out your golems, the issue is closed.
251/ No Chaotic Good Dark Elves, PERIOD!
252/ Victoria's Secret does not add to your AC.
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Rule 251 / I always loved them, unless they're named Drizzt...
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Nanami's Rose Groom wrote:
Rule 251 / I always loved them, unless they're named Drizzt...
Thats because too many people base too much of their Chaotic Good Dark Elves on Drizzt and not show enough originality.
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255: End-of-campaign bosses are not allowed to pull a Wily or a Sigma.
256: Prisoners are NOT allowed to take potty breaks, even if their CHA is higher than anybody else in your party.
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257. If you cast any attack-oriented spell on "the darkness" in a poorly lit indoor area, you will be penalised 1 WIS. If you use Magic Missile, you lose 2 WIS.
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BioKraze wrote:
257. If you cast any attack-oriented spell on "the darkness" in a poorly lit indoor area, you will be penalised 1 WIS. If you use Magic Missile, you lose 2 WIS.
Bwahahahahhaha! ...Can I have a Mountain Dew??
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258. Challenging an Illithid to a rousing game of chess is a very bad idea, especially if you said to it that you'd "kill yourself if you ever lost a game."
259. No bringing back the hot Elven chick from the dead to use as a bed toy if you're the Necromancer.
260. I'll judge your Wish on the merits of its morality, and not on your 22 WIS score. If you want to play "Outsmart the DM," I should warn you I'm a five-time national champion at "Wish Lawyering."
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261/ If you are foolish enough to use lightsabre-chucks, you will be forced to roll a 1d6 everytime you use them, on a 1, you will be forced to lose 3d12 HP.
262/ A level 2 sorceress cannot successfully cast the Dragon Slave without knowing the spell just by successfully rolling a bluff check.
263/ I will not use a porta-hole to cheat at golf.
264/ Your party cannot be practicing nudists.
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You read 8-bit Theater much, Tamago?
Imagine Vibroblade-chucks. There's a disaster waiting to happen.
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*huffs* If I had known the rules were this goddamn long I wouldn't have ever started playing. You guys are no fun!! *runs off crying*
(I started playing DnD three weeks ago.)
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BioKraze wrote:
You read 8-bit Theater much, Tamago?
I have read the odd page here and there but I have yet to do an Archive Binge in that webcomic.
Syora wrote:
*huffs* If I had known the rules were this goddamn long I wouldn't have ever started playing. You guys are no fun!! *runs off crying*
(I started playing DnD three weeks ago.)
And its only gonna get worse.
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265. Environmental factors MUST be taken into account when using magic. If I'm the DM, you better damn make sure there's no headwind before casting Cloudkill.
266. Slimes will now have the ability to merge together to form a larger slime, increasing the stats of the creature by contributing to a communal pool for every extra slime added to the mix. These slimes will not be monogamous in nature and can be a mix of any kind of slime around. Electricity-and-slimes-don't-mix rule still applies.
267. "Twenty Questions" is a game played by human children, not a method Illithids use to train their young to harness their psionic talent.
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268. "Bogey at six o' clock!" is a generally accepted method of letting a party member know that a threat is tailing them. "Surprise buttsex!" is NOT.
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269. Your half-Drow fighter is NOT fifty percent black and it's all in his pants.
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270: No, you cannot summon the Necronomicon.
271: Likewise, you cannot summon Ash of Evil Dead fame.
272: Nobody, repeat, nobody will be yelling "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!"
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Is it wrong that of the 272 ideas so far, about half of them sound to me like they would make a damn fun time if you broke them in the right way? Recent examples: 240, 242, 244, 247, 249, 252, 255, 256, 260, 261, 263, 267, 271, and 272. I like it when my players come up with something funny and creative
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