Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will. - Frederick Douglas

MAN, I'LL FUCKING SHIT IN YOUR SHOES! WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? I'LL SHIT RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING SHOES SO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!

Regarding: smoking in the house. Best threat ever.

More silly quotes from silly shows I love. This time, it's Community.

Britta: Will someone back me up if I say this is ridiculous, or is this going to be another Avatar situation?

Jeff: Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each others' food so they were too sick to leave? No. I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they mailed each other pants!

Abed: Most mental health problems are discovered in college.
Troy: I hope I get multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers.

Abed: I'm making a documentary; they're like real movies, but with ugly people.

Abed: I'm making some adjustments to my script. Jeff, you should play the role of my father.
Jeff: I don't want to be your father.
Abed: That's perfect, you already know your lines.

Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player-- it's in your blood!
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay.
Jeff: That's homophobic.
Troy: That's black.
Jeff: That's racist!
Troy: ...Damn.

Abed: When you guys first came here, we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now, we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.

Jeff: For your information, I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.

Annie: You listen up, Pierce! I'm gonna tell you what my mother told me when I wanted to quit cheerleading. "You're not very pretty, you have no boobs, and you can't do a basket toss to save your life." But you made a commitment, Pierce. So pick up your pompoms, stuff your bra, and get ready for the team bus to forget you at Taco Bell-- because life is tough, but we soldier on, and that's just the way it goes.

Britta: Being a parent means letting him follow his dreams!
Abed's Dad: Dreams are for sleeping!
Britta: You don't know that.
Abed's Dad: It's clinically proven!
Britta: So is Polio!
Abed's Dad: You lost me!

And here are a few that are a little heartwarming:

Abed: Martini, Hawkeye?
Jeff: Who are you kidding? I just dragged a screaming, crying man out of a library. No. Martinis are for guys like Hawkeye-- I'm the same uptight jerk I was last semester.
Abed: Jeff, what's your favorite episode of M*A*S*H?
Jeff: The one with, uh... the army.
Abed: That's what I thought. If you'd ever actually seen the show, you'd know that Hawkeye didn't just bed nurses and drink martinis. He also had blood sprayed on his face and barked orders when the choppers came in. If he didn't, people died. He was a leader, Jeff. That's your job.

Jeff: Pierce, if life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive... you're a hero to everything that's ever lived.

Britta: Abed, you know we only wanted you to be happy, right?
Abed: Oh, I know. Everybody wants me to be happy. Everybody wants to help me. But when they find out that they can't, they get frustrated and stop talking to me-- or they trick me into buying them ice cream and shove me into a clothes dryer. I didn't want that to happen with you guys, so I wanted to make sure that you felt like you could help me. The truth is, lots of girls like me because, let's face it: I'm pretty adorable, and my aloofness unconsciously reminds them of their fathers. I'm more used to them approaching me.
Britta: You mean, we didn't hurt your self-esteem or anything?
Abed: Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys-- when you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal.

Jeff: Abed, what are you doing?
Abed: Making tater tots. You were right, people did get sick of chicken. I was close, though. I just need a new food, a new system-- I'm going to experiment with jalapeno poppers next, then zucchini zircles...
Jeff: I don't get it.
Abed: It's not that complicated-- you just replace the 'c' in 'circle' for the 'z' in 'zucchini.'
Jeff: No, I mean, why are you here-- in the kitchen, in the middle of the night? You said you were... close? Close to what? Close to the group, close to people?
Abed: Please don't do a special episode about me.
Jeff: I wouldn't dream of it.
Abed: Everyone else needs my help. That's what they don't get-- that they need to get me. I just need to be able to connect with people like you can. Then... I can make everyone happy.
Jeff: ...Do you know why I'm here?
Abed: You got caught with a fake degree. By the way, they're using that as a seasonal arc now on Law and Order-- total rip off.
Jeff: I'm here to dismantle the fryer; to cut your power off at the source. Don't you see what happened? I manipulated the group into getting you the fry-cook job so I could have some chicken? And you, you turned it into a way to make people like you. You made me ashamed of myself. You made me jealous.
Abed: Maybe this is a special episode.
Jeff: Let's make a deal-- I'll help you connect with people, and you'll help me deal with them better.
Abed: Like Nightrider.
Jeff: Exactly, like Nightrider.
Abed: Cool. I'll put on a leather jacket and make out with an aerobics instructor, and you pull around front and startle people with your ability to talk.
Jeff: Maybe we should just sit down and have a plate of chicken fingers.
Abed: Can we eat them sitting on the table, like in Sixteen Candles?
Jeff: Pick one reference, Abed.
Abed: ...Sixteen Candles.

You may have noticed that Abed provides most of the awww-moments.

Last edited by dollface (05-22-2011 08:01:59 PM)