Oh Kanae, you're amazing~
Kanae: I be Ohtori Kanae, from Grade 12, Class A.
Mikage: Then, please begin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Kanae: As soon as I graduate next spring, I'ma be gettin married. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Kanae: Dude is one of mah thugs dat mah father, tha Trustee Chairman, recommended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Kanae: He... Dat punk straight-up gentle, n' can be a lil childish yo, but...
Kanae: In fact, da perved-out muthafucka so much mo' mature than I am, n' da thug watches over me eva so kindly.
Kanae: I would do anythang fo' his muthafuckin ass.
Kanae: I believe dis from tha bottom of mah ass.
Kanae: But... But...
Mikage: Deeper... Mikage: Go deeper...
Kanae: But... Kanae: But, dat schmoooove muthafucka has a younger sister,
Kanae: n' no matta how tha fuck hard I try, I can't brang mah dirty ass ta like her n' shit.
Kanae: There was dis incident...
Kanae: When I gave her mah cherished scarf n' holla'd at her ta use it,
Kanae: her big-ass booty holla'd "Nuff props," n' fuckin started wipin her glasses wit dat shiznit son!
Kanae: I was so surprised, n' when I holla'd at her it wasn't a lens cloth,
Kanae: her big-ass booty simply stared all up in mah grill silently n' smiled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Kanae: Da sight of her eyes made mah skin crawl, cuz she looked straight-up like a alien!
Kanae: And mah father...
Kanae: I can't help but feel dat mah fatherz illnizz started when dat freak came ta our house.
Kanae: I aint shizzle if I can keep smilin round her any longer n' shit. Kanae: Up until now I've done mah dopest ta like her muthafuckin ass...
Kanae: But I just can't son!
Kanae: No matta how tha fuck hard I try...
Kanae: I CAN'T!
Mikage: I understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I suppose you have no chizzle but ta revolutionize tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Mikage: Da way before you has been prepared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! .

Yasha wrote:

Utena:  But like, muthafuckas whoz ass can bake cakes is way rare.

Oh God no stop, it is too awesome

Ashnod wrote:

The only way this could be better is if Nanjiminkin was doing all the voices.

I wonder if she takes commissions.

Wakaba:  Hold it right there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.
Wakaba:  Don't be thinkin you can just apologize n' dat is ghon be tha end of dat shit.
Wakaba:  It aint nuthin but tha Student Council President, aint it, biatch?
Wakaba:  It aint nuthin but his wild lil' fault you not yo ass, aint it, biatch?
Wakaba:  It aint nuthin but tha Student Council Presidentz fault. I peep dis shit.
Wakaba:  Though I don't give a fuck whatz straight-up goin on...
Wakaba:  But up in tha straight-up original gangsta place, why is you bustin dat uniform, biatch?
Utena:  But, dis is normal, aint it, biatch?
Wakaba:  Fuck dat shit, it aint normal!
Wakaba:  I mean, whatz not aiiight is whatz aiiight fo' Utena,
Wakaba:  so dis aiiight aint whatz aiiight fo' Utena. Oh, dis is so fucked up hommie!
Utena:  My fuckin normal...
Utena:  dis normal...
Wakaba:  Yo ass is just goin ta be silent again, aren't yo slick ass, biatch? This Utena aint cool.
Wakaba:  Yo ass be actin like a sissy whoz lost his balls muthafucka!
Wakaba:  I don't give a fuck what tha fuck it was,
Wakaba:  but if suttin' was taken from you, then take it back!
Wakaba:  Take it back!
Wakaba:  Take it back!
Wakaba:  Take it back!

Edited to note that, on further examination, Ohtori.nu's series script does in fact make Wakaba say "you're acting like a sissy who's lost his balls."  I'm not sure whether this makes the bolded line less funny or more funny.

Last edited by satyreyes (01-24-2015 07:25:35 PM)

YamPuff wrote:

I be bout ta be such a heroic, stylish biatch, dem hoes will turn n' look back all up in mah face.
But even if tha two of our asses should be separated, our hearts will always be together n' shit.

Oh god, this whole thing is priceless but those lines just killed me

Utena:  If I mix tha asparagus n' salmon wit some mayonaise, break up in a funky-ass boiled egg...
Utena:  I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. What'll I do, biatch?
Utena:  Oh man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Isn't there anythang else, biatch?
Utena:  I can't remember n' shit.
Utena:  And dem is chillin up like a muthafucka...will they be aiiight, biatch?
Utena:  We always put dem tha fuck into you know... and... up in tha fridge... yo, but todizzle...
Utena:  Um...
sign:  stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop
Utena:  What tha fuck iz eternity, biatch?

Ikuhara:  Utena is one of mah thugs I wish I could be.
Ikuhara:  I wanna be a gangbangin' fool. I wanna be ignorant. I wanna be naive.
Ikuhara:  Anthy is, ta me, tha embodiment of reality.
Ikuhara:  I can't reveal tha motivation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  But ta hit you wit a lil hint, it will be suttin' fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  I don't give a fuck if tha characta Anthy her muthafuckin ass straight-up has any "venom."
Ikuhara:  I portray her as havin "venom" up in her, yet all up in tha same time I won't portray her as eva havin "malice."
Ikuhara:  Speakin fo' mah dirty ass, I must say dat she be a uncommon character n' shit.
Ikuhara:  I don't be thinkin there has never been mah playas like like her up in animation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  As fo' Seazerz choruses, I've was horny bout dem eva since I heard dem at Tenjou Sajiki (a theatrical troupe) as a teenager n' shit.
Ikuhara:  If you ask me, dat shiznit was odd dat mah playas reacted up in surprise.
Ikuhara:  Some playas even holla'd dat they laughed, thankin dat shiznit was supposed ta be a gag.
Ikuhara:  I thought bout what tha fuck dat meant, since they seemed so natural ta mah sensibilities. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis!
Ikuhara:  I be thinkin they probably laughed at dem Japanese lyrics, which sound like a potpourri of fossilized lyrics.
Ikuhara:  Which means, I be thinkin they had a gangbangin' fixed scam dat choruses is normally not like all dis bullshit.
Ikuhara:  Plus, I thought it might be dat we didn't like tha Japanese language any mo' n' mo' n' mo'.
Ikuhara:  We intended ta make episodes 1 n' 2 pretty straightforward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Ikuhara:  Havin holla'd that, I holla'd at dem I wanted ta discover a freshly smoked up value of fun,
Ikuhara:  but still, I be thinkin we made episodes 1 n' 2 like straightforward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Ikuhara:  I was still tryin ta reach tha top billin common denominator of understanding.
Ikuhara:  But nuff playas holla'd at mah crazy ass dat shiznit was unintelligible right from episode 1,
Ikuhara:  n' yet I had meant it ta be tha freshest crowd-pleaser I could make.
Ikuhara:  I couldn't make it any mo' so than I already had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Ikuhara:  I don't give a fuck whether itz what tha fuck they wanted of me, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.
Ikuhara:  I be thinkin from now on we is movin away from tha atmosphere of episodes 1 n' 2.
Ikuhara:  Yo ass see, I don't wanna make works dat they will only say is "good."
Ikuhara:  Of course, if they say itz good, then dat means they erection was good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! I can appreciate dis shit.
Ikuhara:  But rather than that, though you might call dis a trainee monkz sense of value...
Ikuhara:  I wanna pursue a value of funk fo' its own sake.
Ikuhara:  Since nuff staffers is hustlin together, one of mah thugs say "This is good, aint it?"
Ikuhara:  "Whatz so phat bout it?" And we go back n' forth like dis shit.
Ikuhara:  ...Hollywood pornos we saw long ago, animation we peeped it as teenagers,
Ikuhara:  manga we thought was so good...
Ikuhara:  ...so, what tha fuck A knows... n' what tha fuck B knows... n' what tha fuck C knows... we keep refinin what tha fuck is phat rockin our common language...
Ikuhara:  Then, we notice itz turned up ta be a parody. It aint nuthin but turnin tha fuck into a imitation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  So, I wanted ta avoid such imitations ta tha dopest of mah ability.
Ikuhara:  I feel each of tha charactas is mah alta ego.
Ikuhara:  Da Shadow Play Hoes is mah playas.
Ikuhara:  Those hoes come from Hood Kashira.
Ikuhara:  And they often rap ta me via radio waves... almost every last muthafuckin day. It make me wanna hollar playa!
Ikuhara:  I be thinkin mah generation, as well as tha younger generation, lacks imagination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  Yo ass know dat a pimped out nuff hustlas commit suicide.
Ikuhara:  I be thinkin they unable ta imagine a aiiight future.
Ikuhara:  To put it mo' bluntly, they peep they mothers n' fathers, whoz ass should be
Ikuhara:  motivatin dem fo' they future, n' they can't imagine they will grow up ta be horny.
Ikuhara:  Da grownups they rap wit is they muthafathas, they mackdaddys n' tha like.
Ikuhara:  But lookin at them, they can never be convinced dat they future is ghon be horny.
Ikuhara:  I don't be thinkin thatz cuz of they muthafathas yo, but cuz of they lack of imagination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Ikuhara:  That may apply ta me, too, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. I aint so shizzle if I can portray dis straight-up well toward tha crew, but...
Ikuhara:  Through this, you may be able ta imagine a aiiight future,
Ikuhara:  or all up in this, you might be able ta go on livin happily. Or...
Ikuhara:  These is tha sortz of thangs I wish ta portray.
Ikuhara:  To put it sickly, dis is why Utena is naive n' foolish. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch speakz of her Pimp n' tha like, at her age.
Ikuhara:  To our sensibilities, we be thinkin of dat as fuckin wack.
Ikuhara:  I wanna show dat dis sensibilitizzle of ours,
Ikuhara:  dat leadz our asses ta be thinkin of dat as stupid, is itself absurd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

I still think we need to print this shizzle out and have a group reading of the entire series at the next RoseCon.

Utena: Wazzit now, bish!? whatcha did to mah homies!?
Mikage: Yo listen up pink biatch, imma giv' it to ya straight. Ya'll just like me, wanna bring dem old days back, OG way, peace in da streetz an' all.
Utena: Youza pink biatch not me, holmes!
Mikage: Yea gurl, lemme feel it, all da hate flow thru ya gangsta style. C'mon gurl we can rul da streetz, homies from anotha motha. C'mon gurl whacha say?
Utena: Mofo You open ya trap one moar time imma punch ya lily ass in.
Mikage:Dey be hating us cuz dey ain't us...
Utena(unedited): U sonnova biatch!!!

I'm crying.

These are real tears.

What have y'all done to me!?

(seriously, doing this for entire episodes would be a mean feat, but imagine the possibilities!)

Dear goddess, i'm laughing my ass off... Please keep going!

Riri-kins wrote:

This rose is our destiny, rippin our asses apart.
Our handz done been torn apart.
Even when I chill, as I embrace mah thoughts n' trips fo' you, they reach ta tha endz of tha ghetto hommie!

HO SHIT!!! I can't stop laughing..can't stop laughing...okay...have to try...HAVE TO TRY.....

Ootenyah: Jigga! Hatin' to be regulatin', but do you be da foo' who busta cap on my peeps on the downlow?
DeMikaggay: Yo', yo', thazz discrimiatin'. I ain't be bustin' no cap 'cept in dat hoodrat Wakaniqua. WHO DAT? WHO DAT? DAT ASS IS PHAT.
DeMikaggay: Nah, nah. I ax dem some fucking questions, n 'dey all had memorays. Shit from dey past. When someone pull Michael Jackson on dey shit, all be innamite with said shit, dey straight up flip.
Ootenyah: Bitch, that don't make no fuckin' sense. Shit from dey past?
DeMikkagay: Sick shit. Tsuwabius? He scuzzbait. Actin' shady 'round da ladies, know what I'm sayin'? Yeah. So. Wuzz up wit' you? Shit in yo' past?
Ootenyah: Hood-ass mothafucka, I ain't gon' be dissed!!!! Y'all can take dat Dr. Phil shit to da curb cuz dat where yo' FACE gon' be bust!
DeMikkagay: Bitch, where yo' rag?
Ootenyah: H-HEEEEEELLLLLLLLL NAAAAAAWWW!!! Jigga. Pull yo' gat.
DeMikkaggay: What the dilly yo'? You jus' be cravin' the ganja.
Ootenyah: PULL YO' GAT.

Miki accidentally revealing his connections as head of the West Ohtori Thugz:

Touga:  Sorry yo, but I be busy wit Student Council responsibilities. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Excuse mah dirty ass.
Nanami:  Onii-sama... Rats yo. Dude was so cold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Miki:  Siblin relationshizzlez is complex.
Nanami:  What do dat mean, biatch?
Miki:  Yo ass aint gots any idea, biatch? Did yo dirty ass do suttin' dat one of mah thugs might hold a grudge against you for, biatch?
Nanami:  How tha fuck rude...

The translator's notes are also gold.

When tha trio starts fightin Tsuwabuki, they say "Doryaa! Miryaa! Doryaa!" but these is not lyrics yo, but just war cries. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! But our crazy asses have never heard of "Miryaaa!" It aint nuthin but intended ta imply tha scale of tha voice tones: "Do Mi Do"
Miki:  Nanami-kun, you gots all dat shiznit wro...
Nanami:  I aint gots it wrong!
Da original gangsta Japanese "Gokai mo Jukkai mo Nai wa!" gotz nuff a pun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "gokai" means "misunderstanding," n' there be also tha homophone "fifth floor." So she addz "jukkai," a cold-ass lil colloquial variant of "jikkai," which means "tenth floor." Da original gangsta meanin would be: "This aint misunderstanding/the fifth floor, or even tha tenth floor!" Da mo' common way ta say dis is, though, dat "Gokai mo Rokkai mo Nai!", up in which "rokkai" means "sixth floor." Note dat nuff playas be thinkin dat dis be a cold-ass lil cliche todizzle.

Makes me wonder what Utena would be like if the soundtrack were gangsta rap. Just imagine: Revolutionary Bitch Utena, comin' straight outta Compton Ohtori.

OMG . . . to read my own fic through thug-colored shades

http://www.gizoogle.net/xfer.php?link=h … mVNib08sEA

Excerpt 1: “Da Revolution succeeded; it crumbled afterwardz only cuz dem whose lives gots revolutionized did not follow up on tha revolutionary success,” holla'd tha Bride, her lyrics settin they closed hearts aflame. “This time, will you help our asses help yo slick ass?”

Excerpt 2: “Just helpin tha thugs return ta they oldschool selves aint enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Their schoolin n' future prospects will still be hindered whenever they bein lil pimpz of terrorists comes ta light. Only by changin yo' ghetto �"- yo' society -- tha fuck into one where criminals’ relatives is no longer assigned collectizzle guilt can you truly save yo' brothers. This is tha kind of revolution you must brang about: yo' Survival Strategy.”

Knowledge of Mawaru-Penguindrum not necessary ta understandin tha story, as MPD cast n' thang gets introduced in-story from scratch. Partz of dis work contain controversial, potentially disturbin material, so please check tags before proceeding. Comments is much appreciated.

ETA: The opening portion is just too good to not include here:

Part One: Flowers Adrift

“I don’t suppose you can count how tha fuck nuff flowers is floatin up in there?” axed tha petite stylist, her lushly manicured fingertips hustlin non-stop as they undid tha rollaz from tha model’s hair; thick, springy curls was busted flouncin vibrantly about.

Without liftin her indulgent gaze �" currently focused upon tha slim fat-ass thighs revealed underneath tha stylist’s frill-adorned black skorts �" tha seated but still obviously glamazonian model pursed her red-painted lips. “Forty-nine thousand.”

“ . . . dat exact?”

“I don’t gotta count; tha director’s assistant flossed mah crazy ass tha receipt when tha bouquets arrived.”

They was steps above a rooftop patio, one dat was rapidly turnin tha fuck into a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shallow pool from a sprayin hose.  Orange roses, cut from right underneath tha sepal, drifted atop tha water’s glassy surface, glowin under tha glarin spotlights as they glided nimbly by tha half-submerged furnishings.  Da otherworldly settin was contrasted against tha ghettoly downtown night view ta eerie effects, n' dat shiznit was amidst such eerinizz dat tha model-in-groomin was set ta work her magic fo' tha camera.

“While wooin you, of course.”  Havin finished hairspray-in tha model’s now artfully-pinned curly updo �" every last muthafuckin orange curl contorted ta resembled tha roses up in tha pool �" tha stylist let up a mock-pained moan as she pulled tha salon cape off of tha model, revealin tha crystal-studded couture gown drapin over tha latter’s curves like a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sheen of glitterin scales.   “Either way, you could’ve at least pretended ta count wit mah dirty ass.  Even afta all these years, you still suck at bein playfully romantic, Juri.”

“Not playful, no . . .” reachin back ta pull her stylist’s maroon-haired head ta her muthafuckin ass up in one suave, almost gallant motion, Arisugawa Juri purred huskily tha fuck into tha other biatch’s shell-like ear, “but still fuckloadz horny-ass enough ta keep mah lil Shiori wit me, I hope.”

“It’s unprofessionizzle ta flirt wit tha stylist right up in front of tha crew,” chided Takatsuki Shiori, even as she leaned tha fuck into tha bigger biatch’s embrace wit much familiarity.

Last edited by gorgeousshutin (04-19-2015 11:03:26 AM)

staplerman wrote:

Excerpt 1: “Da Revolution succeeded; it crumbled afterwardz only cuz dem whose lives gots revolutionized did not follow up on tha revolutionary success,” holla'd tha Bride, her lyrics settin they closed hearts aflame. “This time, will you help our asses help yo slick ass?”

This is kind of perfect.

I kind of want an AU now where instead of being set in some rich kids' boarding school, SKU takes place in a community center in the poorest part of town. The Ghettori, so to speak. Although I think those kids would want to do more with the power to revolutionize the world than solve their petty personal issues... Revolutionizzle Bitch Utena would probably be bleaker than the current version.

Oooh . . . this could either be the darkest or the funniest fic evar . . . or it may actually manage to be both, if done right.  You wanna attempt? *hopeful*

slim fat-ass thighs

how is that possible

It seems like all body size must be "fat-ass" in ghetto speak . . . at least that's what Gizoogle is trying to tell me.