Utena: Ya, that and you're jealous that I look better then you, although everyone in this school looks better then you.

Utena: Hey fangirls! Watch my hot ass score me some net! *slam dunk*

Girls: WWHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy #1: Who the fuck was covering her?!

Boy #2: How in hell can we compete with the protagonist?

Utena: Hell yeah!

Boy: "I am deeply disapointed that you wont join out team mainly because we all would love to have you shower with us sp we can oogle your naked body and maybe get to grope you 'accidently'... man I need to go to my room now, I got a hard-on debeloping and I would hate to waste it,  BYE!"

Saionji: "Somehow I know you sets things up so I would feel compelled tto slap you in the vain hope that you would love me, its almost like you setting up a challenge using your underhanded ways, damn you," *SLAP*

Wakaba: *runs up and jumps on Utena's back* And this is what I'd d to you if I had a dick!

Utena: Don't worry, by the end of this episode I'll have moved on in the hopes of scoring wit that indian chick down there after winning her like some kind of conselation prize after dueling Saionji, whose name I don't even know yet after he posts some raunchy sex note you sent him.

Touga: *trumpets sound as he grabs Saionji'a hand* I'm grabbing your hand in a completely heterosexual manner to stop you from slappin up the Chairman's little sister, not that we know that yet, but dude, she's like...three years younger than us! Chill out!

Saionji: Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want!

Utena: Wow, good thing that that guy stopped him. I might've had to do some shit if he hadn't.

Wakaba: Well, that's Touga! BTW, he's gonna try and do you. But not Saionji, cuz I'm totally crazy about him and I choose to ignore the fact that he's a bastad cuz I like to think that we'll get married, grow up together, have little babies, and then die like old people tend to!

Wakaba: Oh, that's Anthy Himemiya. According to Nanami, Touga's lil' sis who you won't meet for a while, she's a weirdo for various reasons.

Wakaba: Okay!

*they walk down the hall where a group of students are reading some crap on a bulletin board*

Boy 1: Here's the letter that Wakaba wrote to Saionji, who posted it here, because Wakaba's an onion-headed freak who he'll later use to have a roof over his head!

Boy 2: WHOA!!! This is pretty rauncy!

Utena: Walking forward and snatching the letter down* Hey, assholes! This letter was written by my friend Wakaba, who's gonna run off and cry like a bitch cuz Sainji's a dill-hole and posted this. Damn, I'mma hafta kick his ass now and move in with Anthy!

rofl you guys are all hillarious! Awesome idea, PrinceoftheLostEternity.

*Student Council Balcony*

Saionji: WTF do you people want? I was trying to have me some sex with my rose bride. I don't have time for this shit.

Juri: Obey the rules. I say this because I'm uptight and priggish.

Touga: Yes. Obey the rules. I say this because I'm very into showing you up and casting you in a bad light. We're only friends cos every good looking gal needs an ugly-cow-friend to make them look hotter. And by that I mean that the more unchivalarous you are, the more everyone will fall for my princely playboy charade.

Saionji: Fuck me. The rose bride is my whore, and I'm doin' some whorin. Nao!

Miki: Oh the humanity! My sensitivity is offended and also I'm deeply in love with the rose bride who I've never actually spoken to before. Why? Because I can never have any romantic feelings except for my delish twin and I like to hide that behind going after someone completely unavailable.

Anthy: Fuck me, Master Saionji. I'm bored out of my skull and I like to take it up the ass. Actually like is too strong a word. Shall we say I'm bored out of my skull and sex with a cretin is better than thinking about the hundred swords of hatred. Ream me. Ream me now.

Saionji: See how much she wants it? If y'all care about the rules so much, meet me in the boy's locker room during my shower.

Touga: Don't forget that there will be a new duelist soon. And I'll see you in fifteen minutes.

Saionji: A new duelist? But I can't be BEATEN! Because I ROCK! Also I am stupid and arrogant. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

*Utena walks up to the dueling forest*

Utena: So now how do I get in here? Maybe if I put my ringed hand in this door handle. *does it and door opens* What do you know it worked. *looks at all the steps leading to the dueling arena* Damn, it's too bad I won't discover the elevator until episode 25, oh well. *begins climbing up the endless steps*

Saionji: Oh, you are finally here. I've been here for a while now for reasons unknown. So are you ready to beat me for I surely can not beat your amazing power you possess with a wooden sword even when I am wielding the Sword of Dios for you are the heroine of this story.

Utena: *walking out of the dueling forest* Now I wonder where Anthy is.

Anthy: *steps out from the shadows* Hello, Utena-sama. I am going to call you Utena-sama from now on because I'm engaged to you and will continue calling you Utena-sama no matter how much you protest, because I belong to you until you lose, which won't be until episode 11 when you duel Touga, but you'll win me back the very next episode.