I spoke very, very briefly to Chris Rain, and he (?) mentioned always wanting to do more work on the Satellite but never having the time for it. It is a huge loss, I loved those MST's.

Lurkers: If you've never seen the Utena Thumbnail Theater, take a trip through time with the Wayback Machine...

http://web.archive.org/web/200410111952 … tindex.htm

And I'm still waiting for someone to entertain me! 

Last edited by satyreyes (10-31-2006 08:08:43 PM)

I have something to amuse you with.

-->-->***PLEASE NOTE***<--<--

I am not the original author of this fic. The original author is a lovely person named Shoiryu whom I cannot find a webpage for and suspect may be on fanfiction.net. I have never spoken to this person and am reposting without permission because I cannot find this story anywhere but in my own personal files.

So if you know Shoiryu, let him/her know about this and give my apologies for appropriating the work.

On with the story...


THE UTENA MOVIE
Shoiryu Style

Utena: Hello, welcome to the Utena movie. They call me Utena in this movie, but I act like Utena's prudish, shy, withdrawn twin sister. And my hair is short. I have a hat.

Wakaba: Hi!! I'm Wakaba!! I had to appear somewhere in this movie or the fans would be angry!! My double punctuation marks are actually audible!!

Utena: Hey, you're kinda cute.

Wakaba: We're sorry, you have exceeded the program's two-word-sentence limit. Commencing shutdown. Restarting in defensive mode "Uber-Genki" now.

Utena: Guh?

Wakaba: NOW WE'RE VIEWING THE SCHOOL!! It is large and moves around a lot!!

Utena: Uh... okay...

Wakaba: Look look look, there's Juri and Miki- the former getting a significantly larger amount of viewtime than the latter because the Juri fans outnumber everyone else and they're REALLY creepy- and OOOOooh, if you look over there-

Touga: Don't mind me. I'm just standing around here, being all mysterious and dead sexy. Whoops, heh heh, did I say dead? I'm not dead.

Utena: Touga!

Touga: Fi~ind me.

Utena: Touga!

Touga: Keep running.

Utena: Touga, you jackass!

Touga: ...um, not quite the reception I was expecting. Anyway, like my new ring?

Utena: Ack! You're engaged to someone!

Touga: No. Utena. Sweetie. The fans are laughing at you. See, what the rose REALLY means is-

Utena: RAGE.

Touga: ...m'kay.

Utena: You know what, Touga? I'd yell at you some more, but I'm suddenly distracted by this FLOWER. Flower PRETTY. I wonder if it symbolizes anything? ....NAH. There isn't anything symbolic in this series. Yeah, I'm taking the ring I just now found in this flower, even though I don't really know where it's been.
Wouldn't anybody?

Anthy: Teehee. I scored a PERSONALITY in this movie. This ROCKS.

Utena: LOTS of flowers.

Anthy: Sorry, my fault. They follow me. I'm the Rose Bitch.

Utena: You mean Rose Bride.

Anthy: Whatever. By the way, the headmaster is my brother. Just thought I'd give you my spoilers up front.

Utena: .....m'kay.

Anthy: ACK! You've got a ring! Hug me!

Saionji: No, hug ME!

Utena: I don't wanna hug anybody!

Saionji: Dammit, when I don't get my hugs, I get grumpy. And when I get grumpy, I feel the need to KICK SOME ASS!

Utena: ...I've missed something, haven't I.

Saionji: *Chomp*

Anthy: Definitely gonna have to wash the hair tonight.

Utena: Ugh, fine, whatever you want, just so you stop slobbering on her, you freak.

Saionji: Yippie! And afterwards, maybe you'll want to read my exchange dia-

Utena: No, that's the TV series, Saionji.

Anthy: AHEM, Rose Bitch coming through! Rose for you, rose for you!

Saionji: Sword for me!

Utena: Er, broom for me...?

Saionji: KUNI TORI! BWAHAHAHA!

Anthy: And now for my Wakaba impression: "Utena, my love!" *GLOMP*

Utena: WHAT THE FU- MMPHF!

Saionji: Me fail duel? That's unpossible!

Utena: Wow, black fades sure do save time. Oh, look at that, a plot device- I mean, picture of me and Touga.

Anthy: My supple, slinky little body and I are here!

Utena: Go away. No, stay all night. And turn the lights off, will you?

Anthy: Tee hee, aren't I clever at avoiding your questions? Let's touch each other in naughty places.

Utena: Let's do. No, let's not. You're weird, Rose Bitch. Er, Rose Bride.

Anthy: Well if THAT ain't the pot calling the cocaine black. And OH, hate to interrupt, but it's time for a symbolic segway.

Shiori: I'm a bitch.

Touga: I know.

Shiori: No, I'm really a bitch.

Touga: Yes, I know.

Shiori: You're dead.

Touga: Yes, I- no. No, I'm not. Eheh. Hush.

Wakaba: DIEDIEDIE! Arg!

Touga: Hello. I'm in the girl's bathroom and no one's noticing except you.

Utena: It's because you're exceedingly girly. Have you ever had sex with Anthy?

Touga: Quite possibly. On the second part, not the first.

Utena: Grrrr....

Touga: Anthy! Here girl!

Anthy: Wee! I see dead people!

Touga: Whatever. OH, dear, you're all WET now.

Anthy: OH TOUGA, THAT'S A THINLY VEILED SEXUAL INNUENDO. *GIGGLE*

Utena: ...I'm the only one here who isn't getting laid on a regular basis, aren't I?

Shiori: Bitch bitch bitch, hate hate hate, whine whine whine.

Touga: Uh huh.

Shiori: JURI IS A LESBIAN AND THUS SHE IS BAD.

Touga: Actually I don't think there ARE any REALLY straight characters in this series. Oh, and I was raped by my father in a cabbage patch surrounded by weird Shiori butterflies.

Shiori: Shut up. I'm drawing a penis monster on your back.

Touga: Might've been the acid.

Utena & Anthy: Let's Dancing!

Roses: WE OWN YOU.

Animators: *Collective hemmorage*

Anthy: You hate me.

Utena: I love you.

Anthy: No, you only love the metaphor of my existance. Now strip, bitch.

Utena: Isn't that, um, my line?

Anthy: Nope, it's my turn to be the dominant one.

Utena: Then you be naked too.

Anthy: Okay. But let me warn you, I've got a bigass hole in my chest.

Utena: ...Christ, is there a landing strip on the fucking roof?

B-ko: I've got a controversial videotape! Look!

-----Nanami Cow: Moo!

-----Chuchu: Chuu!

-----Penis Monster: .....

B-ko: ....wrong tape.

F-ko: Here we go!

-----Akio: Ciao! *Hops over about eight cars* Cars don't run without keys! Duh! Anthy, it's drugged incest time!

-----Anthy: 'kay.

B-ko: Eeeew.

Juri: Enguarde!

Utena: Enwha- OH MY GAWD! *CLANG!*

Juri: You sure dig that Touga guy a lot, eh?

Miki: Who the hell's Touga?

Touga: .... *Cough* Just because no one but Utena and Anthy can see me doesn't mean I'm dead.

Juri: Fight me, Utena! Er, Dios! Er... whoever the fuck you are!

Anthy: ...I am in the woods?

F-ko: Something's up!

Shiori: Look, Headmaster Akio's dead. Someone buried him under the rose garden. I know how it happened. Check this video out.

------Akio: You peeked!

------Anthy: No, it's okay, I liked it! *SparkleSparkle!*

------Akio: No! It's not okay that we had sex if you were conscious and willing!

------Anthy: Chill out, g-dawg! It's all good, yo!

------Akio: No, eat steel!

------Anthy: Owie.

------Akio: I believe I can fly-eeeeeeee-! *SPLAT*

Utena: Yo, Touga, what's the dilly-o?

Touga: You like her better.

Utena: Yup.

Touga: Which means you're a lesbian.

Utena: Guess so. Wow, what's that say about YOUR manliness, Kiryuu?

Touga: I'm still gonna ask you weird questions before I give you any answers.

Utena: Oh, shut up. I just remembered you're dead.

Touga: Goddammit, okay, I'm dead! Are you people happy now?! Geez.

Utena: Cry, angst, weep, bye, Touga.

Touga: ...bye. *Float*

Anthy: Utena, you ROCK! I'm the Rose Bitch! Feel my tits!

Utena: I know. Thanks. Let's blow this scene.

Anthy: No. Well, okay.

Utena: But first, the carwash of DOOM!

*Insert majorly weird carchase scene here, involving the smashing of the Shiori drag-racer and a Castle-On-Wheels*

Utena: Yay, we're free, and now we're naked on a rad roadster! Let's entangle our nude bodies and smooch!

Anthy: Okay!

The End.



Yasha's addendum: BAHAHAHAHAHA oh god someone kill me

Yasha wrote:

Anthy: Teehee. I scored a PERSONALITY in this movie. This ROCKS.

The best thing is that I could see movie Anthy saying this. :D Thanks for posting.

Ohh, those things are new to me too! Thanks for sharing!

Imaginary Bad Bug wrote:

Utena meets MST3K... this is bliss.

Perhaps you have not yet visited the Satellite of Revolution?

http://www.mindspring.com/~khabal/www/rst3k.htm

That Akio/Touga BDSM fic gives me nightmares to this day.

On the other hand, my wife and I STILL turn to one another and say, "It's ROUND?!" which inevitably sends the other off into gales of laughter...

Giovanna wrote:

Oh don't get me wrong, it's a bottomless pit of laughs. They're just painful, scarring laughs. Kinda like putting your testicles in a spiky vise.

With WEIGHTS!

satyreyes wrote:

This is great Thank you, Yasha-sama!  I especially liked Anthy scoring a personality, Touga trying to convince everyone he's not dead a la UTT's Utena trying to convince everyone she's not a lesbian, and "No, you only love the metaphor of my existence. Now strip, bitch."

Maybe when I finish MSTing Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness," which richly deserves it, I'll try my hand at creating stuff instead of just demanding it

MSTing "great" literature? You are my hero. I didn't like that book.

Wow Yasha. I really laughed at that one. Really, really laughed. And things I read rarely get more than a chuckle out of me no matter how funny they are.

Giovanna wrote:

Ah well, at least he's not having another pajama-clad crying temper tantrum.

You know he wears blue pajamas with big yellow stars on them. He probably braids his mullet before he goes to sleep too.

What's wrong with blue pajamas with yellow stars?