"That's a very interesting name you have." ---- That's a very interesting name you have. Of course, in five minutes, I'll be so absorbed by alcohol and staring at your chest that I won't remember it.

"It's not so bad" -------------It is that bad, I'm lying so you'll comply anyway.

I love you === what's your name again?

A Guidebook to Common Customer Service Phrases.

"I have a guest..." = "There's a sanctimonious bastard at the desk who thinks he's better then everyone at Disney and wants us to pull the impossible out of our asses just for the hell of it."
"What's the problem?" ="Do I look like I give one flying fuck? Tell him to fuck off, go away, and take care of it in the morning, when I'm not here."

"I'm a reasonable person, but..." = "Prepare yourself. I'm going to unleash primal fury at you."

"I'd like to return this pot/knife/whatever." = "I fucked this up. Gimme a new one, beaproned bitch."

"Do you have anything less expensive?" = "I wondered in here, and now I can't back out. I'm trash, but desperate. Pity me, please?"
"You may want to try such and such resort, or such and such store." = "No."

"I've got the flu." = "I'm drunk off my ass, mind if I vomit on your carpet? Fabulous, thanks."

"This is unacceptable!" = "If I bitch enough, you'll give me what I want, right?"
"I'm sorry to hear that." = "No."

"My kids are tired, and our room is disgusting!" = "I ran my kids ragged, denied them their usual nap, dehydrated them and fed them deep fried fat on a stick, and the housekeeper missed one paper towel! I demand the world on a silver platter!"
"Would you like to speak to a manager about that?" = "So?" (the sad thing about this one is that I use it very frequently. It's like a mantra.)

"This isn't what I booked!" = "I was expecting a free upgrade, give me what I requested, not what I booked!"
"May I see your paperwork, sir?" = "This is the trump card. Back down and pay the upgrade, bitch, or I humiliate you."

"Your card has been declined." = "Gimme money bitch."

"Get me your manager!" = "You're incompetant, stupid, ugly and can't resolve my problem, which actually, is quite simple, but I feel that a manager will be less stupid then you, and far easier on the eyes. Die!"
"One moment sir." = "Like I wanted to talk to you anyway?"

Last edited by morosemocha (04-27-2007 12:17:36 AM)

Hahahahaha, I used to love freaking 'em out when I'd answer the door back in my goth phase. I was a scary kid.

hey babe,lets go hang out at my house and watch a few movies............FUCK ME. FUCK ME. FUCK ME. FUCK ME.

Wouldn't money spent reducing greenhouse gas emissions be better spent fighting malaria? = Can't we put off paying for this until I'm too old to pay taxes?

Oh God  . . . We're totaly fucked!

I don't want to ruin our friendship ==== I like you but the idea of getting horizonal with you makes my skin crawl.

Tamago wrote:

I don't want to ruin our friendship ==== I like you but the idea of getting horizonal with you makes my skin crawl.

There is great truth in this statement.

I'll forgive you. I don't like to hold grudges for too long................I hate your guts, but I don't want people to think I'm the bitch.

Last edited by Hiraku (05-02-2007 05:01:21 PM)

Hiraku wrote:

I'll forgive you. I don't like to hold grudges for too long................I hate your guts, but I don't want people to think I'm the bitch.

Especially true if said with an audience.