This is a static copy of In the Rose Garden, which existed as the center of the western Utena fandom for years. Enjoy. :)

#1 | Back to Top04-25-2009 01:33:20 AM

La poétesse revolutionnaire
From: Missouri, United States
Registered: 03-01-2007
Posts: 1243

Dirty Haikus

Well, I was cleaning out my old Floppy disks and found the dirty Haiku Collection

For those of you who went to Rose Con, I'm finally delivering on them. For the curious who weren't there, hope you enjoy.

Some of them are good, some of them are not. They were all written rapid fire one night during a conversation on LambdaMOO.

EDIT: Removed by poster.

Last edited by Ashnod (05-03-2009 11:08:13 AM)

Flowers without names blooming in the field can only sway in the wind. But I was born with a destiny of roses, born to live in passion and glory.
Hat Mafia Member: Little Dark Poet



#2 | Back to Top04-25-2009 08:20:36 AM

Everyone's Best Friend
From: United States
Registered: 11-16-2006
Posts: 1269

Re: Dirty Haikus

Ashnod wrote:

I'll swallow your cum
If you drink my menstruation
I think that sounds fair

Memories...light the corners of my mind.....misty water colored memories....of the way we were! ;D

Love these! Thanks for putting up the entire batch, can't wait to go to another of your recitals!!!! etc-love

Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever, he said. You might want to think about that. / You forget some things, don't you? / Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.

Hat Mafia Member: The Scissors



#3 | Back to Top04-25-2009 11:14:25 AM

Rose Assignee
From: Castle of Eternal Dark
Registered: 04-06-2009
Posts: 1720

Re: Dirty Haikus

The haikus totally made my day. ROFLMAO

I want your love and I want your revenge, you and me can write a bad romance.

The profile formerly known as Prince... oftheLostEternity... was a shared profile, one of whose users hasn't been around for a while.  The other one is now posting as DiddlyPanda.  Wewt!  emot-biggrin



#4 | Back to Top04-25-2009 01:49:03 PM

World's End
From: Cloud Nine
Registered: 09-22-2008
Posts: 2354

Re: Dirty Haikus

Awesome. My favorites are the third and seventh. poptart

Proud Saionji and Mikage fangirl
My Utena fanfiction:



#5 | Back to Top04-25-2009 09:09:58 PM

Faceless Master
From: Yuma, Arizona (USA)
Registered: 11-26-2006
Posts: 8282

Re: Dirty Haikus

I agree with Riri-kins. emot-dance

Every time I think one of us is relatively pure and innocent, one of you people shoots that idea down with something perverted. I love all of you for that. emot-keke

Roses have thorns to stop those who would dare deny their right to live.
Razara's Postulate: For every lover of lesbians out there, there is an equal and opposite attraction to Dippin' Dots.



#6 | Back to Top04-25-2009 10:41:44 PM

Someday Shiner
Registered: 03-18-2009
Posts: 3423

Re: Dirty Haikus

The Sixth had the greatest personal appeal.  Very good.



#7 | Back to Top05-02-2009 05:32:35 PM

Anthy Assailer
From: Tintagel, Kernau
Registered: 05-02-2009
Posts: 73

Re: Dirty Haikus

Maybe you already know this one...

It is from John Wilmot, lord of Rochester, satirical writer, dramatic and poet. And great lover.

You ladies of merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess's hand,
Pray, did you not lately observe in the show
A noble Italian called Signior Dildo?

This signior was one of the Duchess's train
And helped to conduct her over the main;
But now she cries out, 'To the Duke I will go,
I have no more need for Signior Dildo.'

At the Sign of the Cross in St James's Street,
When next you go thither to make yourselves sweet
By buying of powder, gloves, essence, or so,
You may chance to get a sight of Signior Dildo.

You would take him at first for no person of note,
Because he appears in a plain leather coat,
But when you his virtuous abilities know,
You'll fall down and worship Signior Dildo.

My Lady Southesk, heaven prosper her for't,
First clothed him in satin, then brought him to court;
But his head in the circle he scarcely durst show,
So modest a youth was Signior Dildo.

The good Lady Suffolk, thinking no harm,
Had got this poor stranger hid under her arm.
Lady Betty by chance came the secret to know
And from her own mother stole Signior Dildo.

The Countess of Falmouth, of whom people tell
Her footmen wear shirts of a guinea an ell,
Might save that expense, if she did but know
How lusty a swinger is Signior Dildo.

By the help of this gallant the Countess of Rafe
Against the fierce Harris preserved herself safe;
She stifled him almost beneath her pillow,
So closely she embraced Signior Dildo.

The pattern of virtue, Her Grace of Cleveland,
Has swallowed more pricks than the ocean has sand;
But by rubbing and scrubbing so wide does it grow,
It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildo.

Our dainty fine duchesses have got a trick
To dote on a fool for the sake of his prick,
The fops were undone did their graces but know
The discretion and vigour of Signior Dildo.

The Duchess of Modena, though she looks so high,
With such a gallant is content to lie,
And for fear that the English her secrets should know,
For her gentleman usher took Signior Dildo.

The Countess o'th'Cockpit (who knows not her name?
She's famous in story for a killing dame),
When all her old lovers forsake her, I trow,
She'll then be contented with Signior Dildo.

Red Howard, red Sheldon, and Temple so tall
Complain of his absence so long from Whitehall.
Signior Barnard has promised a journey to go
And bring back his countryman, Signior Dildo.

Doll Howard no longer with His Highness must range,
And therefore is proferred this civil exchange:
Her teeth being rotten, she smells best below,
And needs must be fitted for Signior Dildo.

St Albans with wrinkles and smiles in his face,
Whose kindness to strangers becomes his high place,
In his coach and six horses is gone to Bergo
To take the fresh air with Signior Dildo.

Were this signior but known to the citizen fops,
He'd keep their fine wives from the foremen o'their shops;
But the rascals deserve their horns should still grow
For burning the Pope and his nephew, Dildo.

Tom Killigrew's wife, that Holland fine flower,
At the sight of this signior did fart and belch sour,
And her Dutch breeding the further to show,
Says, 'Welcome to England, Mynheer Van Dildo.'

He civilly came to the Cockpit one night,
And proferred his service to fair Madam Knight.
Quoth she, 'I intrigue with Captain Cazzo;
Your nose in mine arse, good Signior Dildo.'

This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumb
As ever was candle, carrot, or thumb;
Then away with these nasty devices, and show
How you rate the just merit of Signior Dildo.

Count Cazzo, who carries his nose very high,
In passion he swore his rival should die;
Then shut himself up to let the world know
Flesh and blood could not bear it from Signior Dildo.

A rabble of pricks who were welcome before,
Now finding the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited his coming below
And inhumanly fell on Signior Dildo.

Nigh wearied out, the poor stranger did fly,
And along the Pall Mall they followed full cry;
The women concerned from every window
Cried, 'For heaven's sake, save Signior Dildo.'

The good Lady Sandys burst into a laughter
To see how the ballocks came wobbling after,
And had not their weight retarded the foe,
Indeed't had gone hard with Signior Dildo.

"Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."

- William Shakespeare, sonnet n. 40 -



#8 | Back to Top05-03-2009 03:24:50 AM

Anthy Assailer
From: Tintagel, Kernau
Registered: 05-02-2009
Posts: 73

Re: Dirty Haikus

So, my last post was NOT a haiku. But I bring you one today...

Anal orgy

My dick goes deep deep
Your ass is my big pleasure
But it is smelly.

Another one. It is dirty gift for owner of this topic.

For Ashnod's lust

I bow and suck Your
wet pussy of dainty taste
- so sweet and tasty.

"Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."

- William Shakespeare, sonnet n. 40 -



#9 | Back to Top05-04-2009 07:48:35 AM

une personne horrible
From: Waiting at the window.
Registered: 10-21-2006
Posts: 3301

Re: Dirty Haikus

Here's some I've done.

Tribute to Bewbz

I am rather pleased.
With boobies of any size.
Just no wrinkles, please.

Ode to the Balls

You look rather strange.
And sometimes you stick to legs.
Nutsacks are funny.

O Uvula

Though you're innocent.
You sound like a dirty part,
Oh, thing in my mouth.
Hyacinth Black: Not much else to say, is there?



#10 | Back to Top05-04-2009 08:14:40 AM

Anthy Assailer
From: Tintagel, Kernau
Registered: 05-02-2009
Posts: 73

Re: Dirty Haikus

From ass to Your mouth
Your tongue is precious device
Cum at Your brown hair.

"Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."

- William Shakespeare, sonnet n. 40 -



#11 | Back to Top05-04-2009 11:02:10 AM

no, definitely no cons
From: New Orleans, Louisiana
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 10328

Re: Dirty Haikus

Aw, Ashnod, why'd you take down the originals?  They were better than any of your imitators emot-smile



#12 | Back to Top05-04-2009 11:12:38 AM

Anthy Assailer
From: Tintagel, Kernau
Registered: 05-02-2009
Posts: 73

Re: Dirty Haikus

They were so decadent and "inspirative". Please, take them back to us.

Of course, You are the author so You have right to do anything with them. But if You have so many fans here, do not You feel sorry for them? <smile>

"Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."

- William Shakespeare, sonnet n. 40 -



#13 | Back to Top05-06-2009 11:05:17 PM

is on a BOAT!
Registered: 12-10-2006
Posts: 2267

Re: Dirty Haikus

Damn it I missed emot-frown  when Poet posted her poetry oh well I got to listen to it in person; huzzah for spur of the momnet poerty jam. Any how she should re post it we need more inspiration. (and reminders of Rosecon emot-wink) Please re-post poet and hugs.

"If all the world is a stage and all the people players"...then I demand a less shitty part or the ability to get off of the stage. Slowly my sanity slides, slipping, swirling, spiraling...Save Me I need Sleep...Shattering Soon. school-devil "RukaxTouga equals the Fourth of July" MY patriotic celebration...FUCK ME TOUGA AND RUKA NOW!! etc-wankgirl etc-wankdude



#14 | Back to Top10-25-2012 11:38:47 AM

Revolution Televisor
Registered: 09-16-2012
Posts: 454

Re: Dirty Haikus

Please bear with me, as I'm still shaky on this whole subject.

Where belly meets limb
Beseech thee to give a trim,
Bush doth overflow.    (Thank you, Stephen Lynch)

This community
Fosters a growth in left-hand
Suzuki Method     etc-saiowank

Tighter, babe, tighter.
Yeah, that's the good stuff, good Gaaaaachk!
David Carradine.

In Washington State,
Legal bestiality.
My Little Pony.

This necklace you have:
Funny, misshapen and large.
What? Not a necklace...?

All night, we castled,
Kotov'd, simultaneous'd.
Where did my King go?

Meals on wheels, my dear.
Karma Sutra addendum.
Paraplegic sex.

Made nude videos,
Now a "bullying" martyr.
Dumb Amanda Todd.

She is way too hot.
She wants both of us in her?
Not gay in Three-Way.

Girl, you suck at this.
Too wild, sad, desperate.
Will beat off instead.

Now take the sulfur,
Gently pour in- babe, not now,
I'm doing science.

Freud's phallus folly?
Pens, drumsticks, cigars, WiiMotes,
Even that dildo.

Nothing is sacred.
All are lost to the power
Of Rule Thirty-Four.



Board footer

Powered by PunBB 1.2.23
© Copyright 2002–2008 PunBB
Forum styled and maintained by Giovanna and Yasha
Return to Empty Movement