This is a static copy of In the Rose Garden, which existed as the center of the western Utena fandom for years. Enjoy. :)
Back up in tha day…
there was a bizzatch grievin over tha dirtnapz of her mutha n' daddy n' shit. Before dis bizzatch rocked up a pimp travelin upon a white horse. His appearizzle gallant, n' his smile gentle, tha pimp enveloped tha bizzatch up in tha scent of roses, n' wiped away her tears. "Little one bearin up ridin' solo under grief, please lose not thy strength n' nobilitizzle when thou growest up."
"As a token of dis day, please retain all dis bullshit."
"Pray, shall we hook up once more?"
"This rang should guide thee ta mah dirty ass."
Was tha rang from tha pimp meant as a engagement ring, biatch? That part was good, but cuz of tha strength of her admiration fo' tha prince, tha bizzatch made up her mind ta become a pimp her muthafuckin ass muthafucka! But is dat straight-up phat fo' her, biatch?
Thanks to the power of Transizzle from Gizoogle, and the Empty movement script archive, we can now read the entire script of Utena as if it had been written by Snoop Dog. It is a wondrous thing.
Please discuss.
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OH MMY GODDDDDDDDD
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If it cannot break outta its shell, tha chick will take a thugged-out dirtnap without eva bein born, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We is tha chick. Da ghetto is our egg. If our phat asses don't crack tha ghettoz shell, we will take a thugged-out dirtnap without eva truly bein born, so check it before ya wreck it. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Smash tha ghettoz shell. FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!
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Yasha wrote:
If it cannot break outta its shell, tha chick will take a thugged-out dirtnap without eva bein born, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We is tha chick. Da ghetto is our egg. If our phat asses don't crack tha ghettoz shell, we will take a thugged-out dirtnap without eva truly bein born, so check it before ya wreck it. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Smash tha ghettoz shell. FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
Touga: Da one whoz ass saved dat hoe from tha coffin dat night was Akio-san here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.
Saionji: What, biatch?
Touga: Biatch was saved cuz Akio-san flossed her suttin' eternal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.
Edit:
Touga: What, biatch? But I still don't...
Akio: Yo ass is too strict...
Touga: That was a rather indecent proposal, Mista Muthafuckin Chairman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Akio: My fuckin Ohtori Academy has a regard fo' hustlas' independence, Mista Muthafuckin President.
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Kita-Ysabell wrote:
"As a token of dis day, please retain all dis bullshit."
This is pure poetry.
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Yasha wrote:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
Touga: Da one whoz ass saved dat hoe from tha coffin dat night was Akio-san here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.
Saionji: What, biatch?
Touga: Biatch was saved cuz Akio-san flossed her suttin' eternal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.
Edit:
Touga: What, biatch? But I still don't...
Akio: Yo ass is too strict...
Touga: That was a rather indecent proposal, Mista Muthafuckin Chairman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Akio: My fuckin Ohtori Academy has a regard fo' hustlas' independence, Mista Muthafuckin President.
hahahahah! stahp, it be killing me yo.
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never
Nanami: Whatz so damn funky, biatch?
Akio: Whatever you peep wit dem eyez of yours...is not a god damn thang other than yo' own ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Nanami: Say what, biatch?
Akio: Da ghetto you see. Da ghetto where you exist.
Akio: Yo ass merely continue ta wander tha same road, unable ta peep tha way ahead,
Akio: a labrynthine ghetto wit no way out.
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The most engaging aspect of this reading, personally, is the way that the characters change in the altered context.
Notably, Anthy becomes much more up-front about her assertions:
Anthy: My fuckin engagement ta you is over n' done with.
Anthy: Please give up on dat shit.
And of course, a street-savy Saionji would be more direct in his approach to talking to Touga about the situation with Akio:
Saionji: Is you straight-up aiiight wit that, biatch? Why is you humpin' his thugged-out ass dat much, biatch?
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Nanami: Oh pimped out son! Why'd I gotta bump tha fuck into Juri of all people, biatch?
Nanami: I just know she gonna belil mah dirty ass. Me, whoz ass aint laid any eggs until now, nahmeean?..
Juri: Nanami.
Juri: Be mo' careful naaahhmean, biatch? Yo ass almost scratched mah bizzle. Kick dat shit!
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Yes yes y'all. This bizzle. Kick dat shit!
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Yes yes y'all. My fuckin bizzle. Kick dat shit!
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Ball.
Nanami: It aint nuthin but huge.
Juri: Wanna hold it, biatch?
Nanami: S-so heavy dawwwwg!
Nanami: What is this, biatch? Do they all git dis big, biatch?
Juri: They didn't used ta be dat big-ass yo, but now they roughly dat size.
Nanami: Didn't used to..., biatch?
Juri: When I was seven. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Nanami: Since dat long ago, biatch?
Juri: I've gots nuff mo' at mah house.
Nanami: M-many more, biatch?
Juri: It feels...pretty good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!
Nanami: Feels good?!
Juri: Yo ass should try it like a muthafucka. Later n' shit.
Nanami: Juriz just so mature...
Juri: Strike biaaatch!
Juri "kick dat shit!" Arisugawa
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Kita-Ysabell wrote:
Saionji: Is you straight-up aiiight wit that, biatch? Why is you humpin' his thugged-out ass dat much, biatch?
Touga: Listen, can't you hear it, biatch?
Saionji: Hear what, biatch?
Touga: So long as yo' ass aint given up entirely,
Touga: ...then you should be able ta hear dis sound,
Touga: ...runnin bout tha endz of tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Saionji: What nonsense...
Saionji: What the... What tha fuck iz this?!
Touga: Then come, trip wit us, ta tha ghetto which you desire biaaatch!
Edit:
egg wrote:
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Yes yes y'all. This bizzle. Kick dat shit!
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Yes yes y'all. My fuckin bizzle. Kick dat shit!
Nanami: Ball, biatch?
Juri: Ball.
oh god I'm dying here
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In general, the tone has become increasingly explicit:
Akio: So, what tha fuck do you think, biatch?
Akio: Once you git used ta it, it feels pretty good, don't it, biatch?
Utena: Yes yes y'all...my ass was poundin fo' realz. A lot.
Even when the content remains relatively tame, such as a horse ride, or possibly metaphorical.
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STAHP STAHP STAHP!!!
The only way this could be better is if Nanjiminkin was doing all the voices.
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MY ASS WAS POUNDIN'
GOD
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Touga and Saionji's motorcycle ride is similarly graphic:
Touga: Whaddya think, biatch? Pleasant vibrations aren't they, biatch?
Saionji: They're not movin mah dirty ass.
Touga: Really.
Saionji: You've gots messed-up tastes. Thatz not good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!
Touga: I take it you don't like it cuz I be driving, biatch?
Saionji: What I don't like is bein dominated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.
Saionji: Lettin one of mah thugs dat deep tha fuck into mah ass.
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That deep into his ass huh
Touga: Tenjou-kun!
Utena: Yes muthafucka! Mista Muthafuckin President...
Touga: I wish you wouldn't make dat grill all up in mah grill so doggystyle.
Touga: Yo ass must straight-up don't give a fuck bout mah dirty ass.
jesus Utena that's pretty fucking hostile
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And sometimes, it just turns into a KFC commercial.
Touga: Da Endz of tha World, huh, biatch?
Touga: I can't reveal his name now, nahmeean, biatch? You'll smoke up whoz ass he is soon enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.
Among other things.
Touga: But before that, I wanted ta rap ta yo thugged-out ass.
Utena: What about, biatch?
Touga: Is there no way I can be yo' Prince, biatch?
Touga: Yo ass is mah only bizzatch.
Utena: Not dat again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Touga: It aint nuthin but true. I gots a straight-up boner fo' yo thugged-out ass.
Touga: From mah ass, I treasure yo thugged-out ass.
Touga: Yo crazy-ass nobilitizzle n' beauty shine on many.
Touga: And even if I aint worthy of you, please, be wit me fo' at least dis instant.
Touga: Just dat will do.
Touga: If I can just carve tha memory of dis night, tha two of our asses together, within me,
Touga: dat is ghon be enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Will you permit me dat much, biatch?
Utena: I understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
Touga: Thank yo thugged-out ass.
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dem finger-lickins
I swear we absolutely have to do a reading of one of the arcs at the next RoseCon using these translations.
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Kita-Ysabell wrote:
Touga: It aint nuthin but true. I gots a straight-up boner fo' yo thugged-out ass.
Touga: From mah ass, I treasure yo thugged-out ass.
Last edited by Yasha (01-24-2015 01:03:36 AM)
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....
Da Oceanic You,
Da Oceanic Me,
is tha Paleozoic within tha body.
Continuin ta live,
continuin ta die,
tha Paleozoic spittin some lyrics ta tha story.
Just like tha whale, I go
Just like tha dolphin, I go
Just like tha seal, I go
ta tha bottom of tha sea, tha oceanic mah dirty ass.
At tha bottom of tha sea, a grand history.
ta tha bottom of tha sea, where I'ma be mah dirty ass.
Ammonite biaatch!
Last edited by Ashnod (01-24-2015 01:04:41 AM)
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AMMONITE BIAATCH!
Akio: I don't give a fuck if they came up well, but...
Utena: Fuck dis shiznit son! Akio-san, you straight-up can do every last muthafuckin thang can't yo thugged-out ass.
Akio: Shouldn't you praise me after you try it, biatch?
Utena: But like, muthafuckas whoz ass can bake cakes is way rare.
Edit: Part 2
Wakaba: Hi! I be Shinohara Wakaba!
Utena: Such pimped out timin dat freaky freaky biatch has...
Wakaba: Did Akio-san bake dis cake, biatch?
Akio: Please help yo ass. I can't guarantee how tha fuck it'll taste.
Wakaba: Fuck dis shiznit son! Akio-san, you straight-up can do every last muthafuckin thang can't yo thugged-out ass.
Utena: I just holla'd dis shit.
Akio: Please don't praise me until afta you've smoked dat shit.
Wakaba: But like, muthafuckas whoz ass can bake cakes is way rare.
Utena: I just holla'd dat like a muthafucka.
Wakaba: Party-pooper n' shit.
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okay I HAVE to go to sleep, but...
Akio: What're we rappin' about, biatch?
Utena: Nothing.
Wakaba: Oh, not a god damn thang at all!
Akio: Workin on yo' feminine wiles, biatch?
Utena: Oh, 'course not.
Wakaba: Utena.
Wakaba: If you keep bein so uptight...
mackdaddy: ...yo dirty ass is gonna never fall up in love.
MACKDADDY COMES OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
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Da ghetto is our egg.
Bitches.
Last edited by YamPuff (01-24-2015 01:34:22 AM)
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