This is a static copy of In the Rose Garden, which existed as the center of the western Utena fandom for years. Enjoy. :)
#1 | Back to Top01-28-2008 02:21:14 AM
- Jellineck
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Utena Phone Messages
Alright. So, while we're all having fun on here, we might as well indulge in another pointless yet amusing game. The only answering machine we heard in the show was Ruka. And that was pretty damn bland. So it's left to our imaginations what the rest of the cast's (and Ruka's more exciting version) may be. Post your speculations here.
Akio: Hello. This is the End of the World automated system. Please press the button that best fits how I may help you. 1) You are an emotionally troubled teenager who is in need of my guidance. With a firm hand and an interest in your troubles, I will be sure to assist your needs. 2) You are a member of the Student Council and hoping to persuade me to reschedule your duel. I will require an oral explanation of why I should consider this. 3) You have a complaint regarding my administrative tactics. If so, please file an official complaint, and I will use it forcefully to fill this hole in your needs. Your satisfaction is guaranteed. 4) You're horny. Please leave a long detailed message. And finally, if you're Utena, don't bother leaving a message. I will have already anticipated your concerns and plotted my solution. Wait for me and wear that nice thing I bought you. *BEEP*
Miki: Hi there. You've reached Miki Kaoru. I'm a sorry little pussy who can't take up a hint and give a woman the satisfaction she needs. Also, I have a crush on a stupid creepy freak with bad hair. Why am I such a sorry lazy ass who can't see the good stuff right in front of me? Leave me a message and tell me what you think. (In the background: Hey Kozue, I just made you a milkshake! What are you doing back there) None of your goddamn business, pencil crotch. *BEEP*
Saionji: How do you work this contraption? There are all these buttons. Touga was able to figure it out. Why can't I? Foolish device. How dare it resist me! If I cannot persuade it to obey me, then I must resort to force! You made me do this, devil's machine! (smashing sounds) *BEEP*
Touga: Do I light the fire in your pants? Of course I do. But it doesn't really matter, since I'm not picking up the phone. Oh, I'm here. I can vaguely hear your voice as enjoy my time with this bevy of beauties. But it's like the droning of a particularly annoying gnat in the background. Tell you what. You come over to my place sometime and bring some of your friends, maybe I'll pay you a second of individual attention as I enjoy the lot of you vying for my favor. Sure, it will be degrading, but you'll be here anyway. See you in seconds. *BEEP*
Juri: This is Juri, and I'll only listen to your messages if you're A) a short, violet-haired girl with an inferiority complex or B) you're willing to give me jewelry for free. If these two things don't apply to you, please do me a favor and hang up the damn phone. *BEEP*
Ruka: (COUGH COUGH HACK HACK HACK HACK HACK WHEEEEZE COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH GROANING SOUND COUGH CHOKING SOUND HACK HACK HACK SOUND OF BEING SLAPPED IN THE FACE WHEEZE HACK COUGH) OH GOD JURI NOT IN THERE! NOOOOOOOO! *BEEP*
Last edited by Jellineck (01-28-2008 02:26:39 AM)
"You said you would do anything for me, right Mamiya?" Mikage purred as he slithered close. "Yes that's right" Mamiya said with a rosey blush. Mikage's smile was evil and cinister as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a banana. "Eeny meeny myny moo. I wonder where my banana will go?" - The Forbidden Passions of Nemuro
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#2 | Back to Top01-28-2008 02:29:53 AM
- allegoriest
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Ahh, Ruka.
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#3 | Back to Top01-28-2008 06:51:34 PM
- BlackRoseVixen
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Saionji: "Hello. You have reached me, but I am obviously not here right now. Just leave a stupid message if you really want to. I don't care. .....How did you get this number anyway? You certainly didn't get it from me. I suppose it doesn't really matter....JUST DON'T CALL HERE AGAIN!!! If you're someone trying to ask me out on a date, the answer is hell no. If you're someone from the Kendo Club with a question, grow some balls and ask me in person, damn it. Fucking cowards. If this is Touga....damn it, just come over... OH! And if this is one of Touga's sluts wondering where your master is... CALL HIM, DAMN YOU!! HE DOES NOT LIVE WITH ME!!! I AM NOT HIS FUCKING KEEPER!!!! GOODBYE!!!" *harsh click, beep*
Last edited by BlackRoseVixen (01-28-2008 11:39:10 PM)
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#4 | Back to Top01-29-2008 01:18:10 AM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
"Moshi Mushi! Haa haa I fooled ya, You're talking to a machine, I am out at the moment, most likely on some errand for my Nanami-sama or at least keeping a close eye on her, so leave a message and if it doesn't disrupt my dealings with Nanami-sama, I will get back to you." :Tsuwabuki:
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#5 | Back to Top01-29-2008 01:23:06 AM
- ShatteredMirror
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Tsuwabuki is Sarah Connor?
Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.
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#7 | Back to Top01-29-2008 01:34:22 AM
- ShatteredMirror
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
The beginning of his greeting is pretty much identical to Sarah Connor's greeting on her answering machine in the first Terminator movie.
Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.
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#8 | Back to Top01-29-2008 05:45:51 AM
- Nanami's Rose Groom
- Rose Assignee
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Nanami: Hello, this is Kiryuu manor, Nanami Kiryuu is not in here, probably stalking her brother, and destroying all the vermin that swarm around him. If you're not her Onii-sama, you don't need to leave a message - she won't call back.
"Get back to the surface, where the sunlight is so dazzling"
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#9 | Back to Top01-29-2008 09:24:18 AM
- beautifulpanther
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Juri:
la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
la la la la la la la la la love
Trust
and she tore my feelings like I had none
she fucking hates me
(yup a song of da foo fighters instead of any message xD)
Bianca *1989 - +14.09.2007
"A duel against a feather has nothing to do with provocation or letting you look like a fool. Duelling the feather, the essence of all art and truth written down on paper, is a duel against your inner self to find security and cognition" (©Octavian)
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#10 | Back to Top01-29-2008 01:57:05 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
ShatteredMirror wrote:
The beginning of his greeting is pretty much identical to Sarah Connor's greeting on her answering machine in the first Terminator movie.
She says Mushi Mushi? I gotta watch the original Terminator for myself then, I have only seen T2 and T3.
Last edited by Tamago (01-29-2008 07:04:06 PM)
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#11 | Back to Top01-29-2008 06:49:48 PM
- OnionPrince
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Anthy: "I am the Rose Bride. From this moment onward, I am unable to answer the phone. Please leave a message after the slap."
Utena: "Hi, you've reached Utena Tenjou. I've gotten so many calls that I had to set up an automated voicemail account. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, if you're calling to profess your unrequited love to me, press 1. If you're calling to profess your unrequited love to Anthy, press 2. If you need me to rush to your rescue or solve all your problems, press 3. If you're challening me to a secret duel, just leave a note in my locker. If you're the chairman of Ohtori Academy, I'm on my way over."
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#12 | Back to Top01-29-2008 07:12:40 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
Wakaba: "Hello, you have reached the home away from home for the most wonderful Onion Princess to have ever appeared on this fabulous place we call the world, so if you are tall green and moody or not so tall, pink and princely leave a message, if you are neither one of those, leave a message anyway cos that’s the sort of gal I am!” 
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#13 | Back to Top01-29-2008 08:38:33 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
Touga: "Do I light the fire in your pants? Of course I do. But it doesn't really matter, since I'm not picking up the phone. Oh, I'm here. I can vaguely hear your voice as enjoy my time with this bevy of beauties. But it's like the droning of a particularly annoying gnat in the background. Tell you what. You come over to my place sometime and bring some of your friends, maybe I'll pay you a second of individual attention as I enjoy the lot of you vying for my favor. Sure, it will be degrading, but you'll be here anyway. See you in seconds. *BEEP*"
"And finally, if you're Utena, don't bother leaving a message. I will have already anticipated your concerns and plotted my solution. Wait for me and wear that nice thing I bought you. *BEEP*"
oh my god. 
I love it.
Edit: I bet that answering machine also came in between Saionji's love for Anthy. Y'know, along with Touga, Utena, Chu-Chu, coffins, school expulsion, and, most likely, erectile dysfunction. 
Last edited by Adrasteia (01-29-2008 08:44:31 PM)
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#14 | Back to Top01-29-2008 08:45:41 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
OnionPrince wrote:
Anthy: "I am the Rose Bride. From this moment onward, I am unable to answer the phone. Please leave a message after the slap."
Oh, god. If possible dates who don't know what a loser I am yet weren't calling, I would make this my new voicemail.
ah, man does not exist; ah, within the darkness; ah, the sound of the waves
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#15 | Back to Top01-29-2008 10:46:47 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
Nanami's voice: "Hello this is my Big Brother's private phone, if you are hearing this, he isn't able to answer the phone right now...*you can just make out her muttering on about how her big brother is wasting his time with those floosies when he could be spending more time with her* but if you leave a name and message, he will get back to you as soon as he can... unless you are one of those stupid hussies who keeps bothering my precious Big Brother, then YOU CAN GO TO HELL!... Ok, you can leave a message after the beep and have a nice day!"
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#16 | Back to Top01-30-2008 02:36:39 AM
- ShatteredMirror
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Touga: This is Kiryuu Touga. I'm probably in the middle of something wonderful, but if there are four or fewer women in my bed right now, then I just don't feel like talking to you. Leave a message just in case.
Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.
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#17 | Back to Top01-30-2008 07:35:04 PM
- OnionPrince
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Do you suppose the student council has a phone up in the tower?
"If the chick doesn't leave a message after the beep, it will hang up without ever singing its song. You are the chick; the world is your answering machine. Sing your song, for the revolution of the world!"
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#18 | Back to Top01-30-2008 09:08:55 PM
- Imaginary Bad Bug
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Chu-chu: "Chu? Chu-chu-chu-chu! Chu-chu. Chuuuuuuuuu~ *BEEP*"
...sorry, someone had to. 
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#19 | Back to Top01-30-2008 09:22:22 PM
- Ctrl_c_copy
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Miki: This is Kaoru Miki
kozue: and Kozue!
Miki: yeah..Mmm and Kozue, we are not in home right now but please gives us your number and name and we will call you back later
Kozue: If we came back home isn't miki?
Miki: Shut up Kozue please
Kozue: Yeah we'll call you back later If WE wanna!
Miki: Shut up I said!
Kozue: I call you back if you are one of my million of boyfriends okey?
Miki: Gosh... yeah whatever *steps*
Kozue: so...C-ya! ...Beep *Giggle* MIKI!!!
--- BEEP---
Juri: omg...*with the phone in the hand::: Looking Touga*
Touga: x) they're growing up
-Being gay is not sin, its better that a lotto win...Hmmm okey 8) -
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#20 | Back to Top01-06-2009 03:02:34 PM
- Riri-kins
- World's End
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Anthy: Hello, this is the Rose Bride. I can't come to the phone right now but I'll return your call if Lady Utena says it's okay. 
*BEEP*
Touga: *GASP! *grunt* *smooch* *moan* Saionji: Wait, did you forget to press the BUTTON?!
Akio: Quiet, you two. Go back to giving Daddy a good show.
*BEEP*
Tatsuya: Hi, this is Tastuya Kazami. It's been 45 days, 18 hours, 9 minutes, and 22 seconds since I saw Wakaba , but who's counting? Right? RIGHT? *breaks down sobbing*
*BEEP*
Last edited by Riri-kins (01-06-2009 03:05:06 PM)
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#21 | Back to Top01-06-2009 04:58:51 PM
- BlackRoseVixen
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Riri-kins wrote:
Touga: *GASP! *grunt* *smooch* *moan* Saionji: Wait, did you forget to press the BUTTON?!
Akio: Quiet, you two. Go back to giving Daddy a good show.
*BEEP*
*imagines this* mmmm.... 
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#22 | Back to Top01-06-2009 05:09:26 PM
Re: Utena Phone Messages
"Is this one?...So I guess I need to speak into it to record this phone message...I wish my brother was here, he knows how to work these doo-hickys better than I do... I start now *PUSHES WRONG BUTTON* Hello you have reached the K-- *BEEEEP* # ((Kozue))
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#23 | Back to Top01-06-2009 06:31:41 PM
- BlackRoseVixen
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Nanami: "Mooo? Moo, moo, moo! Moo, moo, moo, moo-moo-moo, mooooooo! MOO!" *BEEP*
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#24 | Back to Top01-06-2009 09:51:57 PM
- Baka Kakumei Reanna
- Atlantean Singer
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Shadow Girls:
A-ko and B-ko: Do you know? Do you know? Do you know we're not here?
B-ko: When you call a loved one, and they're not there...
A-ko: You can only hope they will get your message!
B-ko: "Could you pick up some bread and eggs on the way home?"
A-ko: "Why don't you ever call anymore, honey?"
B-ko: "I need you to take me to the hospital, I've just-- auugh!" The message you send to your loved one...
A-ko: ... is the one you'll leave after the beep!
*beep*
We see things not as they are, we see things as we are.
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#25 | Back to Top01-06-2009 10:22:34 PM
- Itsuke
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Re: Utena Phone Messages
Baka Kakumei Reanna: wow, you really captured the essence of the shadow girls~~~
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