Every day, a new awkward thread from Persephone! I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Persephone wrote:

I'm trying to touch on topics that few people speak of in rl. I am honestly more comfortable discussing it in forum threads under a pseudonym.

Well if there is any forum that has the ability to handle these subjects like rape and molestation without it turning into some kind of fucktard fest, it is this forum.

This is probably the wrong thread to comment on how much I like Tamago's siggie pic right now.

But as for being raped...you know I feel more like a rape victim getting up and going to work every day than I ever felt being an actual rape victim. What's most disturbing about rape to me is how rarely it's a random attack by a stranger. Says something rather unsettling about people that you rape those closest to you.

My mother was molested, and resulting from that I've been exceptionally scared of anything like that happening to me. At one point she had me afraid of men, even.

She's planted in my head that there's a HUGE possibility my ex-step father may have molested/done something with me and/or my sister. But as neither of us can remember such a thing, we're a bit skeptical. We don't know what to think, really, and it's partly because he was caught watching child pornography on the internet late at night (and in divorce court he even claimed that my sister and I were the ones looking at the porn, not him).

Dematrah wrote:

My mother was molested, and resulting from that I've been exceptionally scared of anything like that happening to me. At one point she had me afraid of men, even.

She's planted in my head that there's a HUGE possibility my ex-step father may have molested/done something with me and/or my sister. But as neither of us can remember such a thing, we're a bit skeptical. We don't know what to think, really, and it's partly because he was caught watching child pornography on the internet late at night (and in divorce court he even claimed that my sister and I were the ones looking at the porn, not him).

My mom is the same way. My stepdad was really strict and I had my ass beat a lot. Whenever I'd come crying to my mom, she always thought he had molested me. She's still convinced someone molested me. I have a feeling the only reason I am considering the fact I might have blocked, is most likely because of her. Ignorance is bliss.

Archambeau wrote:

Persephone wrote:

Everything counts. I know I was raped in the ass when I worked at steak n' shake, but the tips were good!

You did not seriously just trivialize this subject like that, did you?

I must say, I think the most repellent thing about each of your threads is that you're bringing up uncomfortable, sensitive topics, then treating them like jokes, if not invalidating and outright criticizing those who do take the time to post honestly.  You're making yourself look like an idiot, and I highly doubt you're winning any favor from a single member here for your complete lack of tact.

I don't think that she means to be tactless, or trivialize it. I think that she was trying to make it a little more comfortable. Please give the girl a break. :|

Huh. You know, I'm going to be at work, Gio's in Orlando with mocha, and I don't have the patience to put up with drama when I get home from my soul-crushing job. So this is how it's going to work: I'm moving this thread to General (text is worksafe) and it's going to abide by the rules in there. If it breaks them, it's getting closed.

So, just looking at this thread, at least 4/12 posters above me have had this happen?
... I would never have thought it was that common.

There's nothing I can say, really...

One of the many nice things about being male is that the odds of me being sexually assaulted are very low if I stay out of prison. It's probably more likely that I'll be the perpetrator of such an act, so I find the whole topic a little uncomfortable. Not because I think I'm likely to rape anyone, but...even if I'm not involved, the fact that rape outside of prison is almost overwhelmingly a crime perpetrated by men against women makes me feel just a twinge of shame. Sort of like when I read about the war in Iraq. I never supported it myself...but I'm still an American.

Anyway, Archambeau, this is a fairly open forum, and your opinion is valid. And valued, by me at least. I would suggest that you could tone down the personal aspect a bit, in particular, try not to include others in your statements who might not be involved. That said, you know I understand your feelings on the subject, and you're not wrong.

EDIT: I love the new avatar.

Last edited by Stormcrow (09-12-2007 05:39:50 PM)

Archambeau wrote:

It's quite a horrifying statistic, really.

That's really quite awful... I remember hearing a statistic vaguely like that during orientation back when I was starting undergrad, but I didn't take it all that seriously. The whole orientation program on this stuff seemed to be really structured/overwrought... it felt like there was lots of spin on it for some reason or another, I don't remember any of it all that well now.

When you get the same statistic from people who have no particular reason to want to spin it at all here, it's makes a much stronger impact. On me at least.

One of the things I remember thinking during that orientation stuff was that the number they gave included a lot of cases like that girl ShatteredMirror mentioned, who didn't say no. ... not to dismiss the incident or anything, because I'm sure it was really significant to her. It doesn't seem the same though, as doing it over someone's objections. I don't know. I should just shut up, since it's not likely to happen to me, and since I can't have any idea what being in that position is like. I suppose I can understand/empathize with someone just being mentally paralyzed at the time...  I don't know. Just my thoughts, while we're on the topic.

Last edited by Valeli (09-12-2007 06:03:29 PM)

Valeli wrote:

One of the things I remember thinking during that orientation stuff was that the number they gave included a lot of cases like that girl ShatteredMirror mentioned, who didn't say no. ... not to dismiss the incident or anything, because I'm sure it was really significant to her. It doesn't seem the same though, as doing it over someone's objections. I don't know. I should just shut up, since it's not likely to happen to me, and since I can't have any idea what being in that position is like. I suppose I can understand/empathize with someone just being mentally paralyzed at the time...  I don't know. Just my thoughts, while we're on the topic.

Perhaps I have less sympathy for her than I should, or more than I should. I don't know what actually happened between them, obviously, but the way she told me the story was that she was afraid to say no because she thought he'd hurt her for showing any defiance. I don't know if that's true, or if she was unsure and went through with it because she wanted to make him happy and regretted it later, and spins it this way in her memory for her own peace of mind.

All I know is that she has way too many issues and needs to be in therapy, and she was in it for a time in high school but her parents pulled her out of it because it didn't fix all her problems right away.

As far as I know, in the US rape is actually classified as a violent crime. I do know that it isn't about sex.

Frau Eva wrote:

Let me just say that it's very, very difficult to find a joke that will insult me(yeah, seen all the 4chan memes). That being said, its not the joke itself that I find offensive, but the context that it was entered into.

The first post basically established a safe zone, that anyone could share any experience without being mocked, trivialized, looked down upon, and that she would help them "come to terms with" their experience if need be. To do that and then make a joke about it is luring them into the thread with the promise of safety, that they could feel as emotionally bare as they've wanted, and then betrayed that trust.

Imagine if someone had actually come on here to share an experience that was still very raw, and believed from the first post that they could reveal something that they still feel much shame, anger, and self-loathing over. And when the post has enticed what could be the most painful memory they have from them, its immediately trivialized. Hell, we can't be sure that someone lurking didn't do exactly that and perhaps got triggered. To put it lightly, someone could have had a very crappy day because of this.

All I would ask of someone is that if they say they're going to have a serious, mature discussion, then do that. Don't potentially mentally scar someone just because you couldn't possibly keep a joke to yourself. If you're not mature enough to handle it like that, then don't say you're going to.

Exactly, thank you.  Lord knows I'll make plenty of off-color jokes and enjoy them in most situations, but it was the context in which it was used that made the whole thing leave a bad taste in my mouth.