...Ah..the answer...

  ...is a little complex....

    ...you see, it is not that he wants to "not" take action...

      ....but then again it is...

        .....he might be avoiding just telling you...

                ...the depths of his feelings for you...

                 ...because he is afraid....

               ...he is afraid of shattering your soul...

              ...in other words, he doesn't want to be the one who causes you pain...

                ....but in fact he does, apparently by the way you describe it...

                erm, I believe this article....

              applies to your situation .....

               in order for you to grasp my ...answer...

                 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog%27s_dilemma

Last edited by G&Ysnumber1fan (11-03-2006 08:33:35 PM)

Hmm, I've been looking for some answers to this and the more I think about it my high strung morals and decrees desintegrate before me. I represent myself as a good boy but inside I know that is just a front that I put on to impress other's. I hope that my "goodness and purity" will help them follow the right path. But nothing I do seems to help. I prefer to be the soft advisor. I project my will of of moral's on everyone, though it is not done with voice or action's it is done very subtly and in time was supposed to transform a person to fall away from the dangerous path... but after 11 years of this nothing has changed. There has only been one friend of mine that I have changed... but he only act's that way in front of me. Around any other's he is his "true" self, no longer the kind yet stubborn boy I grew up with. He insist's that no matter how he act's he is still himself... I can't accept nor believe this. He put's a ploy in front of me and expects me to believe it? It's quite sad but there's nothing I can do. Though I am beating aroound the bush...

You see he has a girlfriend which I cannot stop thinking about. Even now I'm obsessed with fantasies of her. It's too unhealthy. I despise such thing's and anyone whom would take another's love is a malicious person, which is what I would like to believe I am furthest from. I have not yet acted upon my increasing lust, mostly because of fear and other repercussions, I would like to believe that my own moral's play somewhat into the relenting force behind it. I've always had this problem though you see. I have always been attracted to my friend's sister's and girlfriends. the problem undoubtedly stems back from childhood. It may also be, I'm just that desperately lonely, I use what is closest to me to alleviate the pain. As before though in fear of repercussion's I have never acted upon these. They tear me apart inside and I like to think of myself as a "good boy". So please any help that can be given is much appreciated thank you.

I thought you all might want an update on my situation. Well, no, I figured you all forgot already, but I'm updating anyway!

I've given notice at my job. It looks like I'll be starting a new job with comparable pay, better benefits, and best of all, no haters(!!), on the 27th. Wish me luck!

I met this guy (who we are going to  name "Miki") after breaking up with my girlfriend (after 3 years of relationship) and being 2 months in completly lonelyness, when school was over i lost all contact with the human race and then he appeared. We have the same names (funny coincidence) and he is completly ukelicious. He told me about getting together and i thought about it, then i went to Ireland one month. One day before coming back to Spain, i called him and we desided that allright. But when i was back he just ignored it, we got drunk and everything, and he regreted. Since then we have been really close friends and now that i know him i would NEVER match myself with him, but i love him so much, i think more than he loves me. Actually, i'm sure of that fact, he has his best-friend (Juri) since 17 years ago, and she's pretty nice... My social life is him, and another friend (we will name her Wakaba), that's all, i don't have anyone else and i'm okay with it.

(deeper, go deeper)

But then this girl appeared.

She's annoying, she's always jumping around Miki and i don't give a shit. I didn't give a shit. But now, i can't take her anymore. It was Halloween, and Miki and I planned going out and playing music in the middle of the street dressed up as mimes with Wakaba and Juri, we planned that 2 weeks before it, anyways, Wakaba is youngher than me so she's really shy but i want her to meet my few friends and hanging out together, we bought the stuff for the costumes and everything else. The halloween day, Miki calls me and cancels the plan because *this girl* invited him to go to a concert (with the girl she admires as vocalist) and she was shy for going alone and she already pay the ticket. Okay, no problem, it happends, and Wakaba and I stayed at home.

Since then, he has been cancelling our plans tons of times, all because "this girl blah blah blah, she needs my help, blah blah blah, she doesn't mean that" and "she didn't meant to". The next time she did something like that obvious was one day they had a rendez-vous with 9 people (me and Wakaba incluided) to eat in my home, but the boyfriend of my mother was comming so it would be the next weekend, not this one, but then *this girl* prupposed to make it in her house, but there was a problem: her kitchen is too small for all of we, "you don't care, right?".

It's obvious that she's desesperate to get Miki's attention.

I'm really direct and sincere, so i speak with Miki about it, with the most possible caution. But it didn't help, now *this girl* feels "attacked" and acts like the victim everytime she can. Miki doesn't get it because he is retarded i guess, and i have no problem as long as my plans are not affected. But it keeps going and talking is not the solution.

I don't matter being alone, but not now, i can't. I haven't recovered of my ex and I was looking for a safety environment and stability with Miki's friendship, but if I cannot obtain the intimacy that I wish for walking with too many caution and besides *this girl* brings me more problems. I will not have any more option that drop it. But I need to rest, and preferably without this tick.

Epi_lepsia wrote:

I met this guy (who we are going to  name "Miki") after breaking up with my girlfriend (after 3 years of relationship) and being 2 months in completly lonelyness, when school was over i lost all contact with the human race and then he appeared. We have the same names (funny coincidence) and he is completly ukelicious. He told me about getting together and i thought about it, then i went to Ireland one month. One day before coming back to Spain, i called him and we desided that allright. But when i was back he just ignored it, we got drunk and everything, and he regreted. Since then we have been really close friends and now that i know him i would NEVER match myself with him, but i love him so much, i think more than he loves me. Actually, i'm sure of that fact, he has his best-friend (Juri) since 17 years ago, and she's pretty nice... My social life is him, and another friend (we will name her Wakaba), that's all, i don't have anyone else and i'm okay with it.

(deeper, go deeper)

But then this girl appeared.

She's annoying, she's always jumping around Miki and i don't give a shit. I didn't give a shit. But now, i can't take her anymore. It was Halloween, and Miki and I planned going out and playing music in the middle of the street dressed up as mimes with Wakaba and Juri, we planned that 2 weeks before it, anyways, Wakaba is youngher than me so she's really shy but i want her to meet my few friends and hanging out together, we bought the stuff for the costumes and everything else. The halloween day, Miki calls me and cancels the plan because *this girl* invited him to go to a concert (with the girl she admires as vocalist) and she was shy for going alone and she already pay the ticket. Okay, no problem, it happends, and Wakaba and I stayed at home.

Since then, he has been cancelling our plans tons of times, all because "this girl blah blah blah, she needs my help, blah blah blah, she doesn't mean that" and "she didn't meant to". The next time she did something like that obvious was one day they had a rendez-vous with 9 people (me and Wakaba incluided) to eat in my home, but the boyfriend of my mother was comming so it would be the next weekend, not this one, but then *this girl* prupposed to make it in her house, but there was a problem: her kitchen is too small for all of we, "you don't care, right?".

It's obvious that she's desesperate to get Miki's attention.

I'm really direct and sincere, so i speak with Miki about it, with the most possible caution. But it didn't help, now *this girl* feels "attacked" and acts like the victim everytime she can. Miki doesn't get it because he is retarded i guess, and i have no problem as long as my plans are not affected. But it keeps going and talking is not the solution.

I don't matter being alone, but not now, i can't. I haven't recovered of my ex and I was looking for a safety environment and stability with Miki's friendship, but if I cannot obtain the intimacy that I wish for walking with too many caution and besides *this girl* brings me more problems. I will not have any more option that drop it. But I need to rest, and preferably without this tick.

It seems as though that with your confession with your problem you have managed to solve it on your own..
you see that girl is what stands between you and your happiness..
therefore...I give you this:http://hometown.aol.com/matcoaster/imag … 20rose.jpg

Well, about my last problem, it hasn't escalated, the girlfriend moved back to Washington, so the lust is gone... I still need that checked out apparently... anyway though I have a new problem. When I first turned 18 I had planned to be out of my mom's house but unfortunately that was quite not the case. With maybe 500 Dollar's in savings, dead beat friends, and foiled plans, my hopes were shatered, I only have myself to blame though, I had grown to used to a life of leisure. Well now what I had feared to pass has come. My mom's boyfriend (who's like a step dad to me.) Has admitted to her openly that he has been seeing another woman. Not that this is surprising, he seems the sort of guy. He has however offered to pay for the bill's till August. At the time my mom takes this gracefully, though I could tell through her body expressions that she was in turmoil. Then she comes home drunk out of her mind... she start's arguing with him, and I take a walk for maybe... an hour (take note this is a cold February night at 2 AM) I get back expecting everything to be fine, putting it off till the morning, but lo and behold! When I get back, the two are arguing in the living room. She keeps on telling me it's none of my business and to stay out of it. But she doesn't understand I'm not a little kid. I voice my concerns and join on on his side. (After all cheating may be wrong, but isn't it worse to lead on?) In which we both say it cna be talked about in the morning... but I don't want to deal with this. I knew this was going to come eventually and I did NOT want to be here for it! Whatever the case, I don't know what to do, now I was actually starting to get my life on track and this happens... is there any advice anyone could give?

The boy I love
Says he likes me back
And admits to trying to hold my hand (which never happened properly. the most proper was, he was holding my thumb XD)
But he has a girlfriend =_=

ANYWHO
Recently he's brought up a previous crush, which also is a guy.
He said that he spent the night at this guy’s house and they almost had sex
When I asked him "what is almost?" he wouldn't answer me!
First of all, I am NOT jealous.
Though I want to kill this person.
Because. If it weren't for his perverted ness, the boy I love would have been happy with this person, maybe.

I think that's why I'm angry =_=
I suppose a little of me is jealous
. But the furthest I want to go is a kiss.
A lip kiss, no tongue ><
I have no reason to be jealous...
But maybe its because he got to touch him (I’m not sure what exactly happened. he won't tell me which is another part of why I’m frustrated!!!!!!)

GRR I'm so angry and I want to die
Or cry
I want to hug someone and just break down!
What should I do?
Where should I go from here?
T_____T

Last edited by Suyo (02-19-2007 09:04:11 PM)

Suyo wrote:

The boy I love
Says he likes me back
And admits to trying to hold my hand (which never happened properly. the most proper was, he was holding my thumb XD)
But he has a girlfriend =_=

ANYWHO
Recently he's brought up a previous crush, which also is a guy.
He said that he spent the night at this guy’s house and they almost had sex
When I asked him "what is almost?" he wouldn't answer me!
First of all, I am NOT jealous.
Though I want to kill this person.
Because. If it weren't for his perverted ness, the boy I love would have been happy with this person, maybe.

I think that's why I'm angry =_=
I suppose a little of me is jealous
. But the furthest I want to go is a kiss.
A lip kiss, no tongue ><
I have no reason to be jealous...
But maybe its because he got to touch him (I’m not sure what exactly happened. he won't tell me which is another part of why I’m frustrated!!!!!!)

GRR I'm so angry and I want to die
Or cry
I want to hug someone and just break down!
What should I do?
Where should I go from here?
T_____T

Suyo, it sounds like more of you is jealous than you would like to admit. I don't know your situation, but I think that being straightforward is an underused and valuable tactic. Be honest with yourself about what you feel. No one else has to hear it, and no one else has to know, ever. Just so long as you know how you feel and why. If it would help, a close friend may be able to help you sort out your confusion; in the absence of that, writing things out, no matter how trivial it seems later, can help you a lot to sort out your own thoughts.

I seem to be stressing this, but it's because of the way your post sounds-- you want him, but only to kiss him chastely. You need to know what happened between him and the other boy, but you're just his friend. You want him to be happy with the girl, but you barely mention her, like she's an afterthought to his happiness, only there to provide it for him. You're upset and broken up over something that doesn't directly involve you, and no one in this has attacked you personally in any way, but you're still confused and angry and hurt. You say over and over that you're not jealous, but you're angry and you want to die because the boy you love spent the night with, and almost slept with, some perverted boy.

You need to sort this out, my dear. Like I said, even if it's in your own head, or on a piece of paper that you burn later, or in a word file you delete. Take some time and examine what you feel. Don't be afraid of what you find. If you're jealous, so what? No one has to know.

The situation with the boy you love will become much easier to handle if you take the time to figure out what you feel and why. After that, it's a matter of deciding what you want to do about it.

I'm afraid this isn't very helpful to you... but it's the best answer I can give you.