I see a lot of Adolescence and Rebuild-hate around here lately, so I decided to put you in the shoes of the people you're criticizing.

The challenge is:

Turn a television or film series into a single film of reasonable length.

I'll start off with the original 'Star Wars' trilogy.

At the beginning, Luke Skywalker is a rebel pilot whose parents were killed by the Empire. When the imperial fleet attacks Alderaan, the rebels scramble to take them down before the planet is endangered. But it is then that the Empire reveals its ultimate weapon: the Death Star, a moon-sized space station capable of destroying worlds. Alderaan and the rebel fleet are caught in its attack, crippling the armed resistance to the Empire...

Miraculously, Luke crashes on Tatooine, where he is saved from Sand People by the hermit Kenobi. The old man reveals the truth about Luke's backstory - intimating, but not declaring, that he is the son of the hated Darth Vader(introduced earlier as the commander of the imperial forces). He trains Luke in the ways of the Jedi.

Meanwhile, Princess Leia is stuck on the backwater swamp world of Kashyyyk as the rebels try to reform their army. She meets Han Solo and his ally Chewbacca, a native of the planet, who claim to possess a stolen experimental ship that could be the savior of the revolution. Enlisting their services for an absurd price, the ragtag fleet makes its way to Coruscant.

Back on Tatooine, Luke's training is complete. Kenobi teaches him how to use the force to find parts in an old junkyard, allowing him to build a spaceworthy ship in a week. The two Jedi set off for Coruscant.

On the planet itself, the imperial army faces its greatest embarrassment in decades: fewer than 50 rebel ships are able to cripple the entire fleet, made worse when the planet's populace turns against the government and refuses to aid the troops in space. When the Millenium Falcon scores a killing blow, they are forced to surrender. Luke and Kenobi arrive after the victory. It was earlier established that Luke and Leia were friends; their closeness bothers Han.

As the Death Star draws nearer to Alderaan, the rebels create a plan: the space fleet will occupy the imperial forces while a ground army infiltrates and cripples the station's defenses. Luke and Kenobi volunteer for the latter.

The battle commences. Luke and his mentor make it on to the station, but Kenobi is shot dead by guards. This is when he reveals the familial relationships in play. With new doubt in his mind, Luke leads his soldiers to the throne room to confront the Emperor.

Outside, things are going badly. Chewbacca manages to isolate a single flaw in the Death Star's defenses: an open thermal exhaust shaft, perfect for attack. He directs his forces towards it, splitting the rebels in two.

Luke reaches the Emperor, but is forced to confront his father. He duels the two of them and loses a hand. Before the Emperor can strike a killing blow, Vader grabs him and leaps into an open pit where they are incinerated. Luke and the others immediately search for egress.

Besieged on all sides by the Empire, Han launches a final desperate attack. With a ridiculously quick move, he fires into the exhaust port and destroys the base without being killed. But as he looks back, he realizes that Luke and the others are dead...

...Only to see them in the Emperor's own escape pod, perfectly fine. Close out with shots of the battle wreckage.

Thoughts? Anyone else want to have a try at it?