Dollface!

You better come back in one piece! Also, if you need me give me a holler on AIM. I'll have a bus ticket and ass-kicking boots on by sundown.

(Get everything in order dear, we'll all be waiting. I want to get to know you better!)

- Anji.

Lots of people will miss you, Dollface (myself included). Your posts were always very insightful and meaningful to me, and I loved getting to know you (from afar, because I've never talked to you directly) through this forum. I really do hope that you come back; there are people here, I believe, who will do their best to support you through whatever you're dealing with, if you would like that support. So never think that you can't come back! You're an important part of IRG, and everyone will always welcome you back.
Until you're ready to return, please take care of yourself. I wish you nothing but the best.

Hello everyone!

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I know I can't just pop back in like this, but... well, I have a story for you.

When I left, it was because I was in a very delicate place, and frankly, I still am. My entire life seemed plagued by existential questions, minor distractions, and personal roadblocks. I felt as though I was trapped within myself, and I didn't think I could bear it. I needed time for myself. Of course, there's no way that so many things can be solved in such a short amount of time, I am quite aware of that. I certainly haven't worked through it all, and I probably never will. But I've jumped a few important hurdles... and that is thanks in no small part to Frosty. She and I kept contact during my leave, and every single word that she had to say to me was overwhelmingly inspiring and powerful. Her constant support was one of the few things that kept me sturdy when I felt as though I was going to break down completely. She deserves so much more praise than I give her, but there's nothing I can say that will ever be enough. She really is the sister I always needed.

The purpose of this post is not just to brag about Frosty, though we should all do it much more often, but to let you all in on a little bit. I couldn't possibly explain some of this without sounding like a complete nutjob, but I do know that the backing of people I rely on, people I trust and value, is so important in getting through all this. And with that revelation, it's clear that leaving IRG was the absolute worst course of action at the time. However, I do value that time, and it helped me grow, in a few small steps. The first month is never going to be a 100 yard sprint, I suppose.

Well, because I'm too addicted to give up, you've all probably seen my name online from time to time, checking up on everything. I couldn't bear to stay away. I wanted to come back on my birthday, but fear of everyone's judgement was overwhelming, so I stayed silent. I made a pact with myself: If anyone here remembered it was my birthday, I'd come back.

The dreadful day came, and I promise you, it was dreadful. My birthday was completely lost upon everyone I knew. It didn't matter. It was no more than any regular day to them. Even my online friends, whom I trusted and adored, completely forgot the occaision. A blubbering mess, I checked IRG constantly, every hour on the hour... and still, not a single person seemed to remember. Heartbroken, I shut off the computer and resigned myself to my room to half-heartedly study my Midsummer script. Once the clock struck midnight, the final remains of my 17th birthday, I sent Frosty a message saying that I was sorry, but I wouldn't come back. She responded as sweetly as she always does, and assured me that I didn't need to feel pushed. I went to sleep, feeling an unearned and selfish sense of remorse for my actions. As fate would have it, just 30 minutes after my final check-in, who should perform the very action I vainly wished for but Frosty? She is truly an angel in the guise of a human. After seeing a few more members follow her lead, I couldn't help caving in to my own wants. I missed IRG so much.

I probably won't be as active as before, as I am still teetering on the edge of a breakdown certain nights. But I... I hope you can all accept me back again.

Welcome back! We missed you!

You'll always have a devoted following here, dollface. You've made a mark on IRG that will hopefully never be erased, because it's the good kind of mark that makes people look in awe and wonder just what else they're missing from such a wonderful person.

Also, happy belated birthday to you! May Shiori dance for you in your dreams for the next two weeks!

to dollface.

Oh god yes!!
You have no idea how frustrated I was without someone to share the NANA experience!!! (When the hell is the next chapter out...)

On that note, please don't take the initial lack of b-day wishes the wrong way. Truth be told, I don't know a lot of people's b-day here (I only know vaguely that Iris' was a couple weeks back, Shattered was around the same month as I am, and that SDF is a Scorpion). I probably should check on people's profile.

And, it was the right thing to do imo to come back to IRG. We're more than happy to see you return! How could we not? Each member adds to the color of the garden. With any of them gone it just feels weird.

That said, I miss a bunch of ppl that haven't been showing up now.

Last edited by Hiraku (04-17-2009 01:11:46 AM)

Oh, and be on aim sometimes if you like. I like chatting with ppl outside IRG, and I'm sure lots of member here do, too.

I wonder why the IRGbalcony has been deserted lately... maybe I'll revive it this summer when I have the time

Awwww! :hug: And I am grateful to you for cheering me up the day of the anniversary of my beloved Jimmy Shawn's death, amongst other good advice some of my 30+ year old friends haven't learned! D: Thank you so much for your kind words - although I don’t deserve any, it was all your bravery that prompted you to come and post, which is something that can be very nerve-wracking when you are heavily invested and care very much! I can understand it, and it looks like it’s a very common feeling - perusing through the Secrets thread, so many people admit it’s pretty scary too - post anything, not just especially vulnerable material - and wait for a reaction. But you did face your fear by returning - that’s really inspirational! I’m so glad to see you back, and your insights are a valuable asset - even as your going through a rough time, when you speak your mind about what’s happening - lots of people relate and benefit and are able to share experiences - back and forth. Its so important to have trusted sources to bounce yourself off of, like my therapist (hah) says ‘bruises from a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy’.
The the coolest part about life, I think is that when you are dissatisfied with something, you can change it! I know some of the things that bring you down are out of your control at the moment, or seem like they’ll always be (the existential concerns), but what you do have control over - those things can lose their power to torment you once you find your voice against them! I’m so proud of you for posting, because that’s something you genuinely enjoy being a part of; and while it took me YEARS to start arranging things in my life, instead of just letting it happen - you’re taking the initiative and doing that now!!!
IRG peeps love you, a source of support and encouragement each to all! Everyone is so nice, easy to miss - much like you were missed! ^____^

Woohoo!!! Welcome back!!!

It's nice to see you here again We will be waiting for your next posts. I hope you will solve your troubles soon!

Welcome back! It's so good to see you again.

I love Nana too! XD! <<< really off-topic

my apologies !

Last edited by lex (04-21-2009 04:24:10 PM)