We can quote famous poems of interest here, right?

I love story poems, or story songs, anything that tells a story, I love!!! This poem is untitled, but should be: "The Proper Way to Interpret Utena".


It was six man of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the elephant
Though all of them were blind
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The first approached the elephant
And, happening to fall
Against the broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
“Why bless me! But the elephant
Is very much like a wall!”
The second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried: “Ho! What have we here
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me, ‘tis very clear,
This wonder of an elephant
Is very like a spear!”
The third approached the animal,
And, happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands
Thus boldly up he spake:
“I see,” quoth he, “the elephant
Is very like a snake!”
The fourth reached out his eager hand
And felt about the knee:
“What most this wondrous beast is like
Is very plain,” quoth he:
“’Tis clear enough the elephant
Is very like a tree!”
The fifth who chanced to touch the ear
Said: “E’evn the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most-
Deny the fact who can:
This marvel of an elephant
Is very like a fan!”
The sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope
Than, seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope.
“I see,” quoth he, “the elephant
Is very like a rope!”
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong;
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong.


-John G. Saxe

That's a very dramatic piece, beautifulpanther, thanks for sharing! Also, thank you Hyacynth for complimenting my poem - you'll never know how a solitary word of affirmation can work wonders of encouragement! Very nice!

I found a poem called "The Anatomy of Happiness" which is pretty silly and surely clever enough to be retold here...

Lots of truisms don't have to be repeated but there is one that has got to be,
Which is that it is much nicer to be happy then it is not to be,
And I shall even add to it by stating unequivocally and without restraint
That you are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't.
Some people are just naturally Pollyanna,
While others call for sugar and cream and strawberries on their manna.
Now, I think we all ought to say a fig for the happiness that comes of thinking helpful thoughts and searching your soul,
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forced beyond your control,
Because if you just depend on your helpful thoughts for your happiness and would just as soon drink buttermilk as champagne, and if mink is no better than lapin to you,
Why you don't even deserve to have anything nice and exciting to happen to you.
If you are really Master of your Fate,
It shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate,
So I hold no brief for the kind of happiness or the kind of unhappiness that some people constantly carry around in their breast,
Because that kind of happiness simply consist of being resigned to the worst just as that kind of unhappiness consists of being resentful of the best.
No, there is only one kind of happiness that I take the stump for,
Which is the kind that comes when something so wonderful falls in your lap that joy is what you jump for,
Something not of your own doing,
When the blue sky opens and out pops a refund from the Government or an invitation to a terrapin dinner or an uphoped-for Yes from the lovely creature you have been disconsolately wooing.
And obviously such miracles don't happen every day,
But here's hoping they may,
Because then everybody would be happy except the people who pride themselves on creating their own happiness who as soon as they saw everybody who didn't create their own happiness happy they would probably grieve over sharing their own heretofore private sublimity,
A condition which I could face with equanimity.
                                                   - Ogden Nash

This one I wrote about after regretting having sex.  It goes with the Utena song "Tsumi no Kajitsu" (Akio and Anthy's bedtime scene music).

Poisonous

Contorting dripping limbs until the muscles sore
Wondering when it's over; why it feels like a chore
To do as commanded and resist without feeling
To go from lying down to standing up to kneeling
Whispers mean nothing as eyes begin to close
Desperate to leave and silence these woes
And pain always outshines the pleasure
No amount of contact can soothe this endeavor
With afterward vows and promises to wait
To save and preserve it before it's too late
And find the one that manages to change it all
To alleviate the heaviness and bring down the wall
That sparkle of light has yet to be seen
For darkness and agony have been the routine
It's better to be alone than have an unwanted guest
Who manipulates with deceit and expects no protest
So what is one to do while that poison decays?
Remain detached and imagine soaring away.

DO IT ANYWAY

I personally have no problem reading them and not understanding a word. Vomit sounds pretty in Italian.

The first one... could work perfectly as a duel chorus (or a Greek chorus, for that matter). It's great!!! -though there are some words I should look for in a dictionary...

The second one has also an SKU feeling; it reminds me of Saionji (oh, I hope you don't feel devastated for it ). And something else: have you read any gnostical literature -antique syrian, or so? I think it shares some similities with your poem, but I'm not sure... maybe it's because they also like to play with the value of time.

Conclusion:

Sey wrote:

Perché solo il tuo sguardo mi
Rende eterno.

Outstanding.  I'm afraid Babel Fish rendered the first poem only barely intelligible, but it was at least as clear as the translated dueling songs.

Thanks for sharing.

I don't think any of us do.  But does that matter?

IT'S ITALIAN!!!

AWWGH!!!!!!!!

I am having the worst Poet's block of my life.  I try to write something, but it is terrible.



Maybe I'll have something next time.

Not long ago I wrote this:

Farewell, My...

Someday, we will shine together

                  I believe, we will meet someday, again

Parting, is the beginning of missing

                 Meeting, is the start of overwhelming joy

For now, I shall give you one long last look

                 To lock you face in my memory, well secured

Don't ask me not to miss you, too cruel, that will be

                 I will keep myself strong, healthy and happy

So farewell, and go

                To go along your destined path

And this one I wrote a bit earlier:

Oh Come! Tell Me How You Live

'Oh come, tell me how you live

How you can live happily by

Counting the stars in sky

Oh let me know you through and through, 'cuz

My curious mind is killing me.'

'Endless questions, endless speech

That's THE weakness of mankind

Endless looking, endless goals

Let mankind being kept away from

Longlasting joy.'

'Must we have to give up

Everything we own and want

However dear or memorable

On the way to seek true happiness?'

'Why, it's half true, only half true

Yet mankind still have to seek, an

Open heart, an open mind

Unto oneself, to bring true peace.'

'Live in harmony, then, with all lives

Is the only way, in this

Vast world, to feel

Endless happiness, right?'

P.S. As a matter of interest, for the second poem, you may want to read the first letters of each line vertically.

P.S.S. And I wrote a Chinese poem about two weeks ago. I'll post both the Chinese and translated version when I get satisfied with my translation. Please be forewarned that I don't care about rhyming much, what I care is about the message that I want to tell you.

NajiMinkin wrote:

Amen to that! Now, on the poem itself, I think it's wonderful. You have clear, lyrical beat and there isn't a single cliché. I think the end could use a little tightening (one typo with Eve's run and a syllable missing in the third line of paragraph ten), maybe a title, and you will have perfection. It really, really reminds me of the song Vicious Cabaret from V for Vendetta.

Aw, thank you! You're too kind. (I mean, "busts" and "guests" don't even rhyme...)

Third line of paragraph ten is "Stripping naked before me" yes? I say it with seven syllables myself.

And I can't find the typo, either. It is supposed to be "Eden's" not "Eve's"

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the comments! I just need more information.

Actually I wrote three more versus to the poem the same day I posted it here, but I was trying to sleep at the time and kept jumping out of bed to scribble feverishly into my tiny note book.

The first two I stuck in after Candlelight -> guests

I am just the sounding board
to which you cast pointless lines
You set the pedestal up
why shouldn't I make it mine?

And so you kneel before me
pleading to have what you can't
In pursuit of empty dreams
of which I will never grant

and the third is seperated from them by the chorus which I have definetely overused

I'm sure you blame me for this
as so many others do
But your own blind devotion
holds the power over you (which sould maybe be "is my" not "holds the")

followed by the last two verses. I don't know if this is an improvement or not. As for a title, I'd like to use "Junkyard for your soul" if it wasn't so long and already said too many freaking times in the poem itself. (With twelve versus I could split it up with four between each chorus, but it doesn't seem to flow as nicely.)

Thread necromancy! Now, I don't know jack about poetry, either (I fail at Elizabethan sonnets, so normal poetry isn't much better). I'm better at storywriting, but I was bored and decided to come up with a poem that might be worked into a duel song. Here, in its entirety, is the poem I wrote just this very night...

Three Sides to the Weird Soul

Three sides to me, the Three Fates
Maiden, Mother, Crone define me.
I am my Fate, I am my destiny.
My control over the winds of change.

Spinner of the yarn, Clotho...
Weaver of the tapestry, Lachesis...
Executress of the skein, Atropos...
Three souls apart, one body united.

From Void I come, to Paradise I go.
My soul a thread in the tapestry;
Like a spider weaver, I am an artist
Locked in the web of lies and truth.

Pure of soul and soiled of heart,
I go where I will, I do what I shall!
Lies to tell and truth to seek out,
I am the explorer of my destiny!

Where do I go? What is it that I do?
What is meaning within the cosmic play?
Threads, cut cruelly by Fate's scissor
Only to be spun anew by her spindle

This is my reality, my destiny alone.
I am the master of my Fates!
I forge my path, blaze my trail
As the Three Fates watch it from all.

What do you think? Not the best in the world, I know, but my mind takes flights of fancy here and there.

Last edited by BioKraze (11-25-2007 09:00:15 PM)

NajiMinkin wrote:

Tenjou_sailorsaturn wrote:

Oh Come!

How clever! I've tried to do that vertical spelling trick before, but it always sounds forced. I especially like the "come tell" section and I find it interesting that you ended the poem in a question. It adds on to the conversational feel of the whole thing, though I'm not sure if I read it as one person's monologue or a two person conversation.

Thank you NajiMinkin. When I wrote the poem, I visualised it as a dialogue, and that's why there are the quotation marks. I love to do some little tricks to my poems to make them look a bit more interesting.

And here is the poem I've promised you guys long ago:

(the original version)



(my translation)



From the appearance, I think you can understand why I post them as images. Hope you like it.

Last edited by Tenjou_sailorsaturn (09-30-2007 10:22:27 PM)

I wrote this after talking to an online friend about feeling so .... blah.

Standstill

Pallor awashed the maiden's hopeless face.
Isolated in her cage; futile attempts to erase
A memory, no, a dream - where the flower
Had blossomed from the bud - Now hours
Ticked by, ever so slowly;
How could she ever be this lonely?
Where water never flows when frozen in time,
Withdrawing in fear was the treacherous crime,
And how colors drained from all that had been
Wilting away; crippled - by the touch of sin.
Begging to unravel the bloody ribbons that bind,
Spreading tattered wings, feathers frayed, arms up high !
Blowing a kiss to the stagnant -
Make waves.

-Alexandra

Edit: used the wrong word, lol.

Last edited by Alexandra (11-19-2007 10:06:55 PM)