Do school stories count?  Because my occupation is student.

And I have some WEIRRD stories.

morosemocha wrote:

I'm currently doing the graveyard shift at an upscale family resort

That was me for about 2 months! I can vouch for the drunk people. Also I worked at a hotel near the racetrack, so I met a bunch of Nascar celebrities. Not that I knew them from their pit crew or gave a crap, overall they were rude douchebags. They pretty much acted like because They Were Nascar Drivers and I was a lowly desk peon, that I should immediately fall to my knees and service them with more than the keys to the nicest room.

Silly Nascar people, they drive fast and then get some idea they can walk around pretending to be Akio.

Now the hotel was also near an army base...so we used to get a lot of them, too. They were almost always very nice. And they were usually in combat fatigues.

I have a few pretty amusing stories to tell, I should post in this thread instead of work at my job tomorrow.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I remembered one!

So I used to work in an all night coffee shop, graveyard shift. This is actually the incident that made me decide to quit that hellhole, but that's not too important.

This guy walks in, all alone, 4:30 in the morning. Scruffy, kinda stumbling, and emitting a reek of alcohol all the way from the front of the shop to where I was at the back. He actually might have been cute if it wasn't for the fact that he had lost half his letters in a beer bottle someplace. The only other person around is one of my regulars, reading his paper in the corner. The guy stumbles up to the counter and wants coffee and cookies and a sandwich and just everything you can think of. He's swaying forward over the counter and giving me that leer that says 'Baby, I've had about a million shots tonight, I would fuck a mack truck if it looked at me crosswise'. And he starts talking me up. God forbid I should ever remember any of the lines he used, because I'm absolutely certain that I would suddenly become retarded from the sheer amount of stupidity in those lines. He talks to me, he yammers on and on about how pretty I look, and where did I get my cute outfit from (IT WAS A UNIFORM) and what time the place closes and I wanted him to just shut up and take his food and leave. So when he's paying, he looks at my chest and says "That's a really pretty name... can I ask you something?"

So I say, politely, "What?"

He looks around, sees the other guy in the store (who has been laughing into his coffee the whole time), and then leans so far over the counter I'm surprised he didn't fall over into my side. Cups his hand to his mouth and whispers (read: clearly loud enough to be heard by everyone in the store), "If I paid you a hundred dollars, would you spank me?"



My brain ceases to function. I laugh nervously and say, "Sorry dude, I'm working. Your total is $13.82."

And then he begs. He pulls his money out of his wallet and starts laying it on the counter, he's talking about how he doesn't have a girlfriend, he's saying how pretty I am, and he just keeps on offering cash for a spanking. Eventually it gets through his thick skull that just because I'm behind the counter doesn't mean I'm for sale, and he looks at me, with that starey, hazy kind of intensity drunks get, and he says, "Here. I've ruined your night." And drops a ten dollar bill on the counter.

By this point, I want nothing to do with him, so I tell him not to worry about it and to go and get some sleep. He folds it up and grabs my hand, pressing the money into it and wrapping my fingers around it, and says, "I'll just go." Then he hangs his head and shuffles out the door.

At which point I decide that that a little sojourn into the employee washroom to compose myself is necessary, and that I'm giving my notice ASAP. Also, that I hate the regular in the store, whom I can hear laughing his fucking head off.

Although, if I'd known then what I know now, I would have done it. That's a hundred bucks I could have had!

ShatteredMirror wrote:

Hindsight, hon. Not every woman knows that it can be surprisingly satisfying to spank a guy. Even if he's drunk and obnoxious.

Especially, I wager. But I may be thinking of something rougher than what either of them had in mind.

The two salespeople at my job enjoy a ridiculous flirtation on account of one being a cocktease and the other actually thinking there's a cock of substance in his pants. We'll call one Chick and the other Dude. Dude likes to sit in the office and randomly shout 'Ride on my balls!' or 'Suck my hairy testicles!' or 'I'm gonna go take a huge shit!'. Chick usually replies as though he's serious, frequently grinding her ass against him or bending over the desk or making like she's getting on her knees. I think it was two weeks ago, she spent about five minutes bent over a desk while Dude spanked her. Naturally there was laughing, and frankly I don't disapprove since it's better than how everyone acts with the boss around. (Like we're going to kill someone.) It is, however, a regular occurance to be informed of the sex lives of my co-workers. They, naturally, know nothing about mine since while it's perfectly fine to hear about who gave who a rimjob, my sex life would be the height of taboo.

Yasha wrote:

That's adorable

I have no stories from work. My job is boring. You said that's your second fave, though-- share more!

Ask and ye shall receive. This is much longer, so bear with me. Also, it may slightly verge on Flagrante Delicto. Consider yourselves warned!


Background: So, I've been working at Disney for years, in hospitality. My first resort job, way back beyond the beginning of time was at The Grand Floridian, which for the uninitiated is the most luxurious, the most elegant, most upscale, and most expensive. Views of the parking lot start out at 400 a night (offseason), and it only goes up from there. So that's the level of service I was expected to provide.

Story: So, I get this guy that comes up to my desk and asks for the manager. I ask him a couple questions to try and figure out what his problem is, and what manager could best suit his needs. He won't give me any answers, just says that it's a delicate matter, and asks again for a manager. So I go in the back, aaaaand they're all in a meeting. Great. Talk to our lead, and let her know what's going on. She comes up to the front, and takes the guy aside and explains that all our managers are unavailable, but she's currently the acting manager, can take care of whatever he needs, yadda yadda yadda. And he's listening to her, and he asks if there's anyone else he cold speak to, a male manager perhaps? Sarah replies that no, she's all there is and that unfortunatly, all our desk managers today were female (which was true). So he kinda gulps, and starts off with "Please don't get offended, but I really...this is a bit difficult, I don't really want to get anyone in trouble or anything..." Sarah checks out who her cashiers are, and it's me, an idiot, a newbie, and someone who doesn't speak english very well, and begins to expect that the guy has a complaint about one of them. Not me, though. I rock.

It takes a while, but he explains that as he and his wife were unpacking, his 10/11 year old daughter opened up the side table drawer and made a discovery of something that she was very unfamiliar with, which he described as, and I quote, "a large representation of...genetalia." That's right, folks, in the drawer of his 650$ room at disneyworld, his 10 year old daughter found a dildo. Nice.

Well, once Sarah figured out all the euphamism, she turns beet red, her hands fly to her mouth and she begins to apologize profusely. She asks if he's like to room change immediatly, maybe to a suite? He says no, they have a picture perfect view of the castle. She offers the night for free, while they reclean the room. He declines, the room is being paid for by his company as he's here for a conference. She asks what he'd like, and he says that he's just like it if someone could get the item now, and then reclean the room while they go to the parks. She credits the account (like...75$ a person, I think), and tells him to go enjoy the parks. He thanks her, and before he leaves, she gets the room number. Pulls up the account while he's there, and nearly chokes when she sees the last name -Ball. Mr. Ball. Best though was his parting line. Again, I quote "It was disturbing; I had to try and explain why that was here at Mickey's hotel."

I heard it was a 12 incher.

Last edited by morosemocha (10-31-2006 07:57:22 PM)

morosemocha wrote:

That's right, folks, in the drawer of his 650$ room at disneyworld, his 10 year old daughter found a dildo. Nice.

Wow, I'm glad to see Disney's starting to offer a full range of high-end hotel accoutrements. If I ever paid that much for a room, I would expect the guy carrying my bags to be on call for sexual favors. (That's an awesome story, mostly because the guy was so embarrassed instead of pissed.)

morosemocha wrote:

It takes a while, but he explains that as he and his wife were unpacking, his 10/11 year old daughter opened up the side table drawer and made a discovery of something that she was very unfamiliar with, which he described as, and I quote, "a large representation of...genetalia." That's right, folks, in the drawer of his 650$ room at disneyworld, his 10 year old daughter found a dildo. Nice.

I heard it was a 12 incher.

This are the kind of things that end at http://www.snopes.com/ one day :XD:

morosemocha wrote:

Giovanna wrote:

Wow, I'm glad to see Disney's starting to offer a full range of high-end hotel accoutrements. If I ever paid that much for a room, I would expect the guy carrying my bags to be on call for sexual favors.

I dunno, bell services tend to be

1. Old men. Like. 60 or something.
2. Very unattractive.
3. Stoners. I kid you not. I think it's all the college program kids.

Awwwww. That's a rather huge disappointment. I guess you have to hire the male prostitutes on your own. (I wonder how often that happens at Disney. )

morosemocha wrote:

I've never had so much fun as using the internet at work as I did looking for strip clubs AND IT BEING ALLOWED! Hahaha!

My version of this story has more 'whore' and 'cheap'. If you ever visit Miami and think 'hey cool let's go to the Keys', GO STRAIGHT TO THE KEYS. Don't stop in Homestead or Florida City. If you're hungry, STARVE.

Wow, I am glad and suprised to see everyone has a story to tell, they are amazing..I must say.

I've got one..er two...

Achem...

When I was a junior in high school...not too long ago...I had gotten my first job working for Bojangles.
One day this black lady comes in and takes one look at me and says, I don't want this (the n-word) to take my order or touch my food. I am just like...(whoa) because this is a black person saying this to another black person, and no she didn't mean the n-word as in what people hear black rappers say or black men in general that are my age say to one another, this was like the KKK version of the n-word she was saying to me. The lady was like in DENIAL, really she was acting like a ghetto black person, i.e. she had this obviously not her own hair weave that was blonde. Whereas I, am more of the black girl who is considered "white" by her peers. I mean what could I do?
Well, after letting the manager deal with her, and telling her not to come back, the same crazy black lady comes back again but this time she goes through the drive through. She knows that she is not allowed to ask for service so she is in the passengers side with her friend driving and ordering who SHOCKINGLY is a black woman darker than she is! And we get into it because unfortunately the Fates wanted me to work the drive through that day, and I end up having to go into the freezer to literally chill the @#%^ out and they call the police on her and she leaves again.

Then another occasion there was an incident were this one ghetto acting black woman was giving one of my co-workers a hard time and finally after getting her food, the woman walks out, walks back in and throws the food into her face. Needless to say, I stopped working there.
In fact this christmas, I'm going to find a job at Barnes and Nobles or a clothing store at the mall. Sheesh.

war stories....
you know rath if you work in retail -
I work in a record store ( how glamourous right?) and one thing we consistenly have is the following mock conversation:

Record Store Clerk: Thank you for calling Wherehouse Music how can I help you?
Customer: This is the Wherehouse?
RCS: Yes.
Customer: Oh. You guys sell music right?
RCS: Yes.
Customer: Do you guys sell CDs?
RCS: Yes. What are you looking for by the way?
Customer: Uhm a CD
RCS: Do you know the name of the CD?
Customer: I don't. I just know it's on the radio, do you know who sings it?
RCS: I have no clue.
Customer: but you work in a music store! how can that be?!
RCS:  let me put you on hold.....

must have been one powerful presentation....poor guy, now everyone is going to know him as the guy who masturbated during a presentation. le sigh