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Gougai! Gougai!

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE, IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH WE'RE GETTING AN UTENA EXHIBITION RIGHT NOW

THEY. ARE. MAKING. A. NEW. MUSICAL. NEXT. YEAR. START LOSING YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW

#1 | Back to Top10-17-2006 04:51:55 PM

Fluffy
New Student
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 9

Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

More specifically, a very short silly fanfiction on the subject of jumping off cliffs. Hopefully the characters should be easy to guess, and I promise to chip in on Touga's sex life and my endless cracky analysis of the movie soon.

"On Jumping Off Cliffs"

The office was small and dusty, and the teacher glared across the desk in annoyance. They had one good line, and intended to use it.

"If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"Huh?"

The teacher wondered if the occupant of the chair even had a brain, watching her scratch the back of her head thoughtfully and frown before she spoke.

"I guess I'd just grab them before anything could happen. Anyway, what's that got to do with it? I mean, it's not like anyone else wears the boy's uniform - well, except the boys, but you know - "

*

"If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"Ahh," someone breathed, long, silky strands of hair brushing quite criminally over every available surface. "I believe, sensei, that that depends on whose, ah - canyon they were jumping into. An important question, wouldn't you say?"

The teacher let out a sound which was anything between frustration, nerves, and an uncontrollable urge to forget about any misdemeanour and stroke the beautiful, beautiful hair.

*

"If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would y--"

The teacher was cut off mid-sentence, and sighed in resignation

"A-actually that happened to me once. But there aren't any elephants around right now! Besides, I don't listen to Aiko and Keiko and Yuuko anyway, they answer to me. It was my plan in the first place, all mine - what do you mean, detention? Onii-sama will hear about this!"

*

"If all of your friends jumped --"

"Oh! I've heard that one before," the student said helpfully. One hand dipped into a jacket pocket in a smooth and half-conscious movement. "There wouldn't be any hope for them, I'm afraid. It would take about 4.63 seconds for them to hit the bottom of an average canyon, depending on the air resistance of what they were wearing, and their density. Sadly enough, I think Arisugawa-sempai would have less hope than Himemiya-san, unless her skydiving lessons help - "

"Kaoru Miki," the teacher said, with great patience. "How long did it take you to work this out?"

*

"-- all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"What are you implying?"

An impatient, furious fist shook the table, and the teacher found altogether too much of their personal space invaded. "I didn't mean it was Kiryuu-san's fault, I just--"

"Look." The student was suddenly deflated, sagging back into the chair, the face shadowed. "Expel me if you like, but at least let it be for my own mistakes. Not anyone else's."

*

"--off a cliff, would you?"

"I have no idea why you think I'd submit to peer pressure." The teacher had not expected such a steely gaze. Their previous school had been far more orderly. "Or, if you'd like it literally, if you jump off a cliff, you are, in fact, doomed. No amount of friends can make you sprout wings and fly away. Unfortunately."

"I can see you're being obstreperous --" the teacher began.

"And you're being stupid," her student said, smiling the most dangerous smile of anyone she'd met. Her hand curled on top of the desk into something that looked almost like the grip of a rapier. "New here, then?"

*

"If all your friends jumped off a cliff --"

"Sorry!" the student said with a bright, apologetic smile, and the teacher felt their brain turn off and their heart melt. "I know I do it way too near windows, and I don't think there are cliffs at school, but I promise not to cause a fatal accident to Utena-sama, really! You know she's my best friend, and anyway, I bet she could jump right out of a cliff, and I could watch and applaud or something..."

*

"If all your friends jumped --"

"This isn't about that Michiru girl, is it?" the occupant said, ceasing the endless twirling of their chair only to prop their feet up on the desk, smiling open-mouthed and toothy. "Or that teacher, or the other one, what's-her-name, in hospital? Because they really weren't involved with my brother, and I can't see how you can pin it on me -- "

"I wasn't," the teacher grated. "talking about that, but come to mention it, why were they injured, then?"

"Who knows?"

The occupant shrugged, and let their whole body ripple into muscle and curve and tight, short skirt.

"Maybe they just had this sudden, uncontrollable urge, you know?"

*

"If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"No!" "No!" "No!"

From outside the window, three bespectacled boys gave their silent, doomed, yet enthusiastic support, and Nanami calmly ate her lunch, entirely ignoring the occupants of the office.

The teacher felt a headache coming on.

*

"--jumped off a cliff, would you?"

The back of the chair folded into the lines of the occupant's back when she leant in and bit her lip, softly. "It wouldn't matter, anyway. They'd do it better. A perfect swan-dive, or something like that, and I'd just - just bellyflop while everyone watched. However hard I practised, I'd still look like an idiot jumping off a cliff, and she --"

"But," the teacher said. "wouldn't you both hit the ground and die anyway?"

The teacher wondered if anyone in the room ever listened: their student had turned their back on them already, and was staring out at the two empty chairs at the side of the room.

*

"If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

Silence.

"Speak up," the teacher said, exasperated: there was something about this particular one, though they didn't dare voice it, that made one want to slap them. "You've got a mind of your own, haven't you?"

"Ah," the student said, smiling. "My apologies. I was just thinking that it would depend on whether I'd pushed them off it or not, wouldn't it?"

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#2 | Back to Top10-17-2006 05:02:48 PM

azuresquirrel
Touga Topper
From: Right behind you!
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 57
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

*applause* Me like! You demonstrated just what I love about the characters: they're so distinct that you don't even need their names there. I definately LOLed at Nanami's, Juri's, Kozue's and Anthy's responses. The last line was perfect!


Me on gender identity: "I have more gender issues than an anime character."

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#3 | Back to Top10-17-2006 05:27:45 PM

Yasha
Bitch Queen
From: Edmonton, AB, Canada
Registered: 10-15-2006
Posts: 6018
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

emot-dance

That's hilarious! Except for Saionji, I just want to hug him and tell him it'll be all right.

I wish you could do Mikage for this one, but it wouldn't make very much sense to have him called in by a teacher.


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#4 | Back to Top10-17-2006 05:54:24 PM

Giovanna
Ends of the Forum
From: Edmonton, AB
Registered: 10-12-2006
Posts: 8731
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Notice how Touga's behavior doesn't change from how he is with the ladies, though the teacher's gender is not specified. school-eng101 Also, Anthy for the win! I applaude you for capturing her creepiness in a gag fic. emot-biggrin

That was lovely, I came home to a laugh! Thank you! etc-love

Yasha wrote:

I wish you could do Mikage for this one, but it wouldn't make very much sense to have him called in by a teacher.

Well...maybe the teacher shows up trying to get his favor for something and got annoyed? Dunno.


Also, do thou wear thine suits and cuffs, be thee male or no, for such attire doth please my girl parts. - Gios 3:15
Chiefest of Calamities

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#5 | Back to Top10-17-2006 07:28:04 PM

BakaElf
Miki Molester
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 32
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

emot-danceemot-danceemot-dance

That was all sorts of awesome. Especially Anthy~ etc-love

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#6 | Back to Top10-18-2006 12:23:30 AM

Nariel
Miki Molester
Registered: 10-17-2006
Posts: 32

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

OMG! They were great, I love the teacher's own thoughts, especially about slapping Anthy!emot-keke


The ruler of the universe has spoken.

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#7 | Back to Top10-18-2006 06:53:31 AM

Giovanna
Ends of the Forum
From: Edmonton, AB
Registered: 10-12-2006
Posts: 8731
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Nariel wrote:

OMG! They were great, I love the teacher's own thoughts, especially about slapping Anthy!emot-keke

We all want to slap Anthy once in a while. In this, the only difference between Akio and Saionji was self-control.


Also, do thou wear thine suits and cuffs, be thee male or no, for such attire doth please my girl parts. - Gios 3:15
Chiefest of Calamities

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#8 | Back to Top10-18-2006 10:57:23 AM

angelicreation
The Breast Saviour
From: Denver, CO
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 1323
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Well done.  I truely enjoyed this piece of fanfic.  emot-biggrin


Life is short: break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

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#9 | Back to Top10-18-2006 01:03:25 PM

Fluffy
New Student
Registered: 10-16-2006
Posts: 9

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

azuresquirrel wrote:

I definately LOLed at Nanami's, Juri's, Kozue's and Anthy's responses. The last line was perfect!

Heh, they were probably my favourite to write, too! Thank you.

BakaElf wrote:

That was all sorts of awesome. Especially Anthy~

"Awesome" is, like, the best word in all creation cool No, seriously! And thanks!

Yasha wrote:

That's hilarious! Except for Saionji, I just want to hug him and tell him it'll be all right.

I wish you could do Mikage for this one, but it wouldn't make very much sense to have him called in by a teacher.

Thank you so much! Aaaactually, I have an idea involving Mikage for this. When I conquer the mighty wastes of calculus, I will be (a) free to write and (b) obviously, in a suitable frame of mind.

Giovanna wrote:

Notice how Touga's behavior doesn't change from how he is with the ladies, though the teacher's gender is not specified.

A CANYON IS LIBERATED FROM GENDER~! TOUGA DOESN'T MIND WHERE HE GOES POTHOLING~!

Anyway, the urge to stroke Touga's hair goes beyond the sexual into the universally compulsive. It's so shiny and smooth...

Giovanna wrote:

Nariel wrote:

OMG! They were great, I love the teacher's own thoughts, especially about slapping Anthy!

We all want to slap Anthy once in a while. In this, the only difference between Akio and Saionji was self-control.

I do remember watching it the first time and starting an "Anthy slap counter"...even Wakaba does it, I think. But, hey, self-control! It's kind of like kicking a crucified puppy, after all.

angelicreation wrote:

Well done.  I truely enjoyed this piece of fanfic.

Thank you!

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#10 | Back to Top10-19-2006 12:43:54 AM

Yasha
Bitch Queen
From: Edmonton, AB, Canada
Registered: 10-15-2006
Posts: 6018
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

You know... I can't critique this. It's too good at doing what it does. Seriously. I mean, I could get overly picky, but then I'm also not sure what the temperament here is like regarding criticism yet, or whether you're open to a Yasha Special Attack, Critique with Metal Bristled Currycomb, cause I would have to dig pretty hard to find anything wrong with it.


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#11 | Back to Top10-21-2006 08:32:18 AM

Tamago
God of Comedy
From: Minami Goushuu
Registered: 10-17-2006
Posts: 14280
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Just adding in some characters that weren't used before.

_______________

"If all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

The student been questioned simply pulled out his schedule book and scanned it for a few seconds before looking up innocently at the teacher, "Nanami doesn't have cliff jumping listed here in her to do list, but if she were somehow to fall off a cliff, it would only be after I could figure out how to save her and look good doing it."

"Why do I even bother..." The teacher sighed.

_______________

What can I say? I have the ideas for writing fanfics just not the author skills to make it really enjoyable. emot-frown


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#12 | Back to Top10-21-2006 01:30:27 PM

Romanticide
Cow Bellhop
From: Mazatlan
Registered: 10-18-2006
Posts: 447

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Anthy, Kozue and Nanami are the best ones emot-biggrin
And that new of Tsuwabuki is awesome!! emot-dance


http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/1390/firmautenaji0.jpg

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#13 | Back to Top10-22-2006 12:04:09 AM

Giovanna
Ends of the Forum
From: Edmonton, AB
Registered: 10-12-2006
Posts: 8731
Website

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Yay! If only there were more characters this could be applied to... lol Tatsuya?


Also, do thou wear thine suits and cuffs, be thee male or no, for such attire doth please my girl parts. - Gios 3:15
Chiefest of Calamities

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#14 | Back to Top10-22-2006 01:15:17 AM

ShatteredMirror
Yaoi Pet #1
From: Sacramento, CA
Registered: 10-22-2006
Posts: 8858

Re: Critique my fanart/fanfiction/Juri Chia Pet!

Wow, this was great. Anthy's was just so chillingly Anthy. emot-biggrin


Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.

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