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Having an emergency on the road, galactic hitchhiker? Not to worry! Find the dominant nearby civilization, count the fingers of one of its members, then use the table below to determine the number for 911 for your local morphology.
0: You're on your own
1: The phone will only have one button; you'll need to press it nine hundred and eleven times.
>10: You're on your own
* In response to complaints of decimal normativism in previous editions of the Guide, this entry has been revised to enhance counting base inclusivity. We hope that non-decimal travelers find this table less confusing as a result.
Where did I leave my towel?
Last edited by satyreyes (08-25-2014 07:12:29 PM)
Why does hair grow?
So you can leave it under your pillow for the Hair Fairy, of course.
What really happens when life gives you lemons?
Because I him over for tea right now and I took away his phone so he can't go online to post anything.
What did Della wear?
I dunno; I'll aska.
When is that gum I like going to come back in style?
A celebrity is going to get it stuck in their hair one day and, suddenly, everyone's going to be wearing it. Just wait and see.
Why does my back ache?
Because someone keeps Salsa dancing on it, night and day, day and night... And I mean dancing dancing, not "dancing" dancing.
When will I be able to sing a song backwards?
Of course, it'll be when you end up singing to a mirror. It'll reflect back at you!
Do you think that someone could figure out when they will be with someone they meet for the rest of their lives?
Yes, if both of them are serving life sentences in the same prison, or if they meet in a room that is rapidly flooding with no means of escape. Otherwise probably not.
Does tomato sauce count as a vegetable?
If it does, than grape juice and wine count as fruits. And peanut butter is a nut.
How often is "once in a blue moon"?
More often than "once in a dog's age," but less often than "once in a month of Sundays."
Picture this, were we both "buck naked" or "butt naked," bangin' on the bathroom floor?
Neither "buck" naked, nor "butt naked". We have simply shed our human skin and showed our true, Reptilian form.
Why do I have to learn when is so hot outside?
Because if you learn when it is just as cold outside you get brain freeze! Need to keep the brain fired up, you know.
Can I use the bathroom?
Yes. There's extra soap and shampoo in the drawers. Make sure to put the towel in the washing machine when you're done. But stay the hell away from the WC!
If I steal a costume from Disney Land, would I be allowed to join the Chippendales?
No, but nice try. The Mouseketeers will arrest you first for copyright infringement and wearing a costume without a licence. It is your first offence, right? You might get away with taking a 24 hour survey on their new shows their developing. They might not subliminal messages in it to buy more merchandise and watch abc news.
Is that pickle juice your drinking?
Why is your corn so little and yellow?